𝓜𝔂 𝓫𝓸𝓼𝓼 • p.jm [ Completed ]

Break up

That's just for fun :p

❝ nothing hurts more then being hurt by the person you never thought would hurt you❞

I opened my eyes one by one. Oh god now I have a migraine. I noticed that I was under the covers in my dorm. The first thing I would usually do was find food but today I just had no energy. I was tired. Tired from the tears and the heartbreak.

I didn't feel like doing anything or see anyone. Eventhough I mostly wanted some alone time, a small, tiny part of me wanted someone to come in the room , hug me then just let me cry on their shoulder.

But...

On the other hand, do I even deserve anyone's care...

I'm not as pretty as Jennie. Not as slim as her ( when she wasn't perganinant) . I'm a worthless piece of trash. No wonder, he left me for her

Tears welled up in my eyes again but I didn't feel sad. I didn't feel disappointed neither, nor mad. Obviously not happy or even excited or worried. I didn't know what I felt anymore. I had no emotion. I felt... empty..? This feeling was familiar eventhough I haven't felt it in a long time, this feeling was once a part of my life

Out of nowhere, I started thinking that I deserved all this and had no right to cry. Yet, I let the tears fall. This emptiness was familiar. It was the feeling I had back in high school when I got so insecure.

Now this feeling is back

But I have nothing to feel.

The tears fell down non stop but I didn't wipe them off or stop myself. I just wanted to fall asleep again but I for some reason I couldn't. I just laid in bed looking at the ceiling, feeling nothing

After some time, I felt uncomfortable in my dance clothes but had no energy to get up. After oh so slowly debating in my head, I decided to change. Weakly, I got out of bed as slow as a tortuise and changed into a baggy white t-shirt and comfortable shorts.

I slowly walked to the mirror and looked at myself again.

I sighed

Why am I always the ugly one

Why am I always the fat one

Why am I always the stupid one

Can't I just be the perfect one for once

I keep on getting hurt by others

Cry myself to sleep

Then

Just hate myself

For once

Can't I just be the perfect one

Whenever I get hurt, at the end of the day, I'll tell myself not to give up hope just yet. I always believed that one day I'll be happy. And when I started dating Jimin, I thought it was finally my turn to be happy.