how not to - sequel to baby bellinger // corey seager

part fourteen

   I finish my burger and throw the wrapper into the large, white, paper bag in the back seat. I take a sip of my Sprite, waiting for Corey to polish off the last of the fries.

"Are you all nice and fed now?" I ask my boyfriend, chuckling when he smiles and pats his belly with both hands.

Corey starts the truck back up and pulls out of the parking spot we were in before pulling onto the street.

"Wait," I say, and he turns the radio down, "I thought you had to talk to me."

He doesn't turn to look at me, "I do need to talk to you, but I'm not going to have a conversation like this in a McDonald's parking lot."

I furrow my eyebrows. What kind of conversation could be so serious that the location matters?

I don't say anything while we drive through the city. We don't stop until we reach the park we had just been at earlier.

"What are we doing here Cor?" I ask, opening my door and walking over to his side of the truck.

He takes my hand and walks me to the edge of the grass, right in front of the lake.

He sits down, and I follow suit. It was dark out now, but since the moon was full, it reflected off the lake and provided just enough light for me to see Corey's chiseled features.

"What's wrong?" I was starting to get worried.

He doesn't answer me. Instead, he tenderly wraps his hand around the back of my neck and pulls me into his chest. I look up, and he kisses me softly.

"You're scaring me," I whisper, grabbing his hand and holding it to my face.

He was still staring down at me but was taking his time getting to the point. "You're so gorgeous Clo," he says while gently stroking my cheekbone. "I'm the luckiest guy in the world to be able to have you."

I sigh. I love what he's saying and how sweet he is, but I know that he's only saying it to avoid what he actually needs to talk to me about.

"Corey, babe, stop circling around what you need to say and just say it. Are you okay?"

He bites his bottom lip. I could tell he was nervous, but I can't help him because I have no idea what he's even anxious about.

"I'm scared for what's to come Cloe."

I raise my eyebrows. For such an abrupt question, it left a lot of blanks. We were just talking about our future with kids back at the house, was he regretting what he said? Am I not the girl he wants to be with forever?

"What do you mean?" I ask, hoping he wouldn't confirm what I was thinking.

"Your health, babe. I'm concerned. Are you going to end up faltering back to how you were before the pregnancy? It wasn't fun seeing you break yourself like that Cloe. Can we help you before you go back down that path if figuratively, you do head towards that direction again?"

I'm shocked, that's not what I expected him to come out with. I don't know how to answer. Since the miscarriage, I've felt fine. I've eaten like I had while I was pregnant with Calia, but then again, the eating disorder comes at random times.

It strikes when I'm least expecting it and Corey knows that, so I can see why he's worried. The question is still overwhelming to me though.

I grab his hand that was still resting on my cheek and squeezes it. "I don't know how to answer that," I reply honestly. I could read the pain on his face, and it hurt my heart knowing that this will always be one of his fears. "I'd love to say that it's gone, but I don't know if it ever will be 100% away. I think that it's always going to be a part of me."

He looks down at me and my stomach drops. I wish I could love myself as much as he loves me; I know that's what he wants me to do. I just can't. It's like I don't know how.

"I'm sorry," I murmur when a minute goes by without him saying anything. I hope my answer didn't disappoint him.

When he wraps his arm around me, I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding. "There's nothing to be sorry for Cloe. If it comes back, we'll get through it, and if it doesn't, we'll just keep going on how we have been."

"I don't want it to get back," I admit. Before, I was sick of the sickness, but there was a part of me that was attached to it. In some sick and twisted way, anorexia had become apart of my identity, and then, I wasn't sure how to let go of it.

I want to get better though. I want to change. I want to be healthy and happy and not just for Corey and my family, but for myself too. It's the first time I've ever wanted this for myself.

"I know baby, but if it does, you have to let me help you, okay? That's all I'm asking for Cloe. I need you to keep me in the loop."

I nod. I don't want to scare Corey again like I did. I watched how it took a toll on him, and I don't want to do that to him again. He deserves the world, and I want to give it to him.

"I will, I promise." He smiles and kisses the top of my forehead.

I turn so that I'm facing him and reach up, locking his soft lips with my own.

"I'm so lucky to have you," I whisper against his lips. And I am. God knew I needed a boy like Corey, and I'm so happy that I have him now.

"I can say the same Cloe Jamison," he says, a small goofy grin hiding on his face.

He wraps his arms around my waist, and I lean back onto his chest. The reflection of the moon on the lake's surface was gorgeous enough that we could have stared at it for hours. So that's what we did.

Published Date : 10/7/18

Word Count : 1064