how not to - sequel to baby bellinger // corey seager

part three

  I nod, taking in what he was saying.

I swallow, even though my mouth was dry. I hate admitting I'm wrong, but in this case, I knew that I had to.

"I'm sorry," I say, looking up at him when I did so.

Corey looks away and nods, taking his hand off of Henry and running it over his hair. "Yeah, I know you are, and I am too, but us being sorry isn't going to fix any of this."

My mouth drops slightly, "What do you mean?" I ask, more confused than ever.

"What you said obviously stemmed from somewhere. At some point in time, you either thought I stopped loving you, or you stopped loving me. Even if it was just momentarily; what you said doesn't just come out, Clo."

I bit my lip, something I often do when I have no idea what's going on. "But I do love you," I stutter, not because I didn't mean the words I said, but because I was scared to where this was going to go.

"I know you, I know you do Cloe, but at one point, I think you stopped, or you thought that I stopped, which made you lose your trust in me."

I shook my head, he was being ridiculous... right?

"I've never stopped loving you, Corey. That day was just awful, and I took everything I was feeling out on you, and I know that that's not fair of me, and I'm sorry, but I promise that I never once stopped loving you."

I pleaded with him to believe me.

"I know that it was a rough day Clo, and it was horribly painful watching you suffer because of it, but that stuff doesn't just come out of nowhere. It had to have been stirring up inside of you, even if you weren't 100% conscious about it."

Who the fuck is this philosopher and what did he do with my boyfriend?

I looked at Corey and shook my head. "Stop; please; stop. I don't know what this is." My voice cracks while I speak, and I knew that sooner than later, I was going to break down; another thing I tend to do when I have no idea what the hell is going on.

He looks at me; his eyes glistened with tears that he was forcing back.

Is this him breaking up with me?'

"I thought you didn't know what was going on... what about finding a solution to this?" I cried out, feeling a tear slip down when I did.

He can't leave; I have no idea who I am without Corey.

I'm clueless on how not to have him in my life.

"Because I don't know what's going on, Cloe. Four months ago, we were fine; we were perfect, and then you got raped, and then you were hospitalized, and now you're pregnant with a kid that's not mine. I have no fucking clue what the hell is going on, and can you blame me?" I started to cry harder once he started yelling, my tears causing his own to finally break out of the barriers Corey had put up.

I had no words, but Corey had more. "I don't know much anything right now, Clo, but I know that I love you and that I'm not going to lose you over this."

I couldn't hold back, matching his previous raised tone of voice for one of my own, "You're telling me you love me and you're not going to lose me over this, but you keep contradicting those words; trying to doubt my love for you when you should know that that's absolute bullshit!"

Corey didn't say anything, instead, getting off of the bed and walking into the hallway.

He can't do that. He can't switch things up and just walk out.

"Where are you going?" I storm after him, standing across from the wall he was leaning on.

"The hallway," he points down, and I roll my eyes and shake my head.

Even with both of us angry and crying, he still found a way to be sarcastic, and I don't know if I hated or appreciated it.

"Why are you just walking away? Is this you walking out on us?"

Corey got defensive and shook his head, standing up straighter, "Don't be ridiculous Cloe, I just got done telling you that I'm not walking out."

A mixture of anger and confusion was the only thing running through my body. "What are you doing then?" I held my hands up and shouted.

Corey stepped closer, hovering over me now. He put his hand on my stomach, feeling the small bump through my flowy shirt. The tiniest smile grew on his face; this was the first time he had touched my stomach since I had started showing.

"I know that stress is bad for the baby, and my tone was only getting you riled up, so I came out here to give us both a second to calm down." His eyes met mine, and he smiled softly before looking back down at my stomach.

God damn it, here come the waterworks again.

"So how do we fix this?" I ask, wiping the tears off of my cheeks.

Corey looks up, taking his hand off my stomach and replacing it at the top of my hip.

"Clayton gave me the number of a couples therapist; I really think we should see him, and I also need you to start going to therapy. I'll go with you if you'd like, as long as you go." Since he was almost a foot taller than me, I was staring straight up in order to meet his eyes.

I looked away and pursed my lips, nudging my head to the side. "I can do couples therapy, but is individual therapy really necessary?" I ask, slightly sticking out my bottom lip.

"That's what I'm asking you to do for me, Cloe. If there's anything you need me to do to help us right now, I'll do it in a heartbeat, but this is what I need you to do for me. If we want to mend this, it has to start with this." He hooked his thumb through my front belt loop, opening up his hand, so it grasped around my waist.

I sigh, putting my hand on his chest to maintain the distance between us. "I've tried therapy before, Corey. It didn't work; it made things worse for me. I don't think it's worth it."

Something I said had made Corey angry, and before I could react, he slammed his hand against the wall, leaving it laying a foot or so away from my head.

I flinched and my eyes lowered, not wanting to meet his guilt-filled ones.

"I'm sorry if that scared you, but how could you say that? How is this," he removed his hand from the wall and used it to motion between us, "not worth it to you?"

I look at him and shake my head once, "That's not what I meant." I sigh, resting my head against the wall behind me and wondering how long Corey and I had been away from the party.

"Obviously it is Cloe because I need you to do that for me. That's what I'm asking, and if you can't do it for me, then I don't know if I can keep shelling myself out for you."

I knew he had a point, but it had brought up back to where we had started; me too stubborn to admit it.

If this is what Corey needed, I had to meet him halfway, because I knew that he would do the same for me in a heartbeat.

"I'll do it, but how is all this therapy going to help? What are we suppose to do until then?" Corey and I didn't have forever to make this work; I am fourteen weeks pregnant after all.

"Our first appointments in a couple of days, and so is yours." I sigh, already thinking about how putrid having to talk to a therapist about my life will be.

"What do we do until then?"

He looks at me, his lip raised in a small half smile, "What we've been doing, I guess. You keep the bed; I'll keep the couch. We'll see what the therapist says about it, but until we get there, we just keep doing what we've been doing, but while actually talking to each other." He says, and I nod in response.

Why does this have to be so rough?

Corey reached down and softly kissed my forehead, "I love you, we'll work this out."