Hopelessly Imperfect

Eighteen

He wet his lips. "We should talk outside or something." He murmured as his grey eyes bored into mine.

My heart fluttered. "I could make some cocoa," I trailed breathlessly completely absorbed in those deep eyes.

He swallowed hard. "That sounds great." He pulled me closer getting me off the counter. We stared at each other for a moment as we both leaned closer. As our lips were about to touch, Nate murmured, "outside. Now."

I chuckled as he pulled away completely. Leaving like the whole kitchen between us. "I need" he gestured towards the door, "to go outside."

Completely amused at his attitude, I suppressed a smile and nodded. He bobbed his head once and with tight lips walked outside the house. He left the door open and a moment later, I could smell the distinctive aroma of a cigarette.

Tingly all over and with butterflies revolving around my stomach, I took out the two mugs and the milk and prepared the hot cocoa.

A moment later, I heard him walk inside the kitchen. He passed both arms around my waist and leaned his head on my shoulder. My heart fluttered as he whispered by my ear, "Need help?"

With a dry mouth, I shook my head. I had just plopped two marshmallows inside the hot beverage and it was now good to go. He grabbed one of the mugs with a soft smile on his face and I couldn't but copy him.

We sat on the front stairs of the house. "Is this necessary?" I raised an eyebrow.

He nodded and kissed me lightly on the lips once more, "Yes."

I shoved him playfully on the chest and he grabbed my hand. He watched me warily for a moment before taking a sip of his chocolate. I sensed he needed some time, I intertwined our hands while glancing to the street.

I heard him take a deep breath. "Leah was my sister" I glanced at him as my heart skipped a beat.

This was it. He was actually opening up to me.

It was hard for him. I was deeply touched that he would do it for me. I squeezed his hand trying to be reassuring. His grey eyes gazed at me for a moment. Fear and hurt flashed on his face and my heart clenched for him.

In a soft voice, he started his story. "She was three years older than me. We weren't really close but we got along well. One day, she came by to visit from college. She didn't look like she always did. Her eyes were sunken and she had lost a lot of weight." His eyes were sad as he gazed at the distance. "My parents, like always, couldn't care less about any of us," he murmured somberly. "And I was more concerned on playing videogames with my friends. I didn't ask her any questions. She said she was tired and went to sleep." His eyes brimmed with tears as my heart clenched. "The maid found her a day later. She had taken a bottle of my mother's sleeping pills." He swallowed hard and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, there were no more tears. However, his eyes showed guilt, pain and agony. I squeezed his hand harder. "She didn't even leave a note," he shook his head. "But the coroner found several marks on her body. Apparently, she'd been in an abusive relationship of sorts. I guessed she couldn't handle it anymore and decided to end her life." His voice was low as he gazed at his feet. "I should have asked her something. I should have been there for her. Like I was supposed to."

My own eyes were teary as I heard him in so much pain. I swallowed my tears and passed an arm across Nate's back. He pulled me even closer. My chest was tight as I felt him swallow hard.

"It's not your fault, Nate," I murmured to his chest. His arms encased me tight.

"I didn't know anything about her, you know? I was just as absent as my parents always have been and I know that if there had been someone for her she wouldn't have done it." His voice was a faint murmur.