Back into town

7. Letting go again

"Mom, are you dressed already? I've been waiting for over fifteen minutes and I actually would like to go home now." Charles words brought me back to reality and I quickly broke my kiss with FP off. Shit what had I done? "Yeah, I'm coming, sweetheart, I'm just looking for my earring. I'll be out in five." FP was catching his breath as I quickly took off my uniform and put my regular  clothes back on. "Ali..." FP started but I cut him off. "This. can. never. happen. again." With those words I turned around and walked out of the lockers room. "You alright mom? You seem a bit shaken up." Charles put his arm around my shoulder and I forced a smile. "I am, sweetheart. i just was worried about the earring. Your father gave them to me." I touched my earrings to kind of emphasize my lie when I realized which earrings I was wearing and I realized I actually didn't lie. I took a deep breath and yelled to FP that the keys were on the counter. I heard him coming out of the locker room and Charles turned around as he heard someone call my name. "Alice, wait can-." He cut his sentence as he saw me next to Charles. "Uh...can I offer you two a ride?" He asked. I raised an eyebrow and rolled my eyes. "No thanks, Forsythe, I came with my own car. See you tomorrow." I took Charles by the arm and walked out of the diner, leaving FP alone in the neon lights. 

"Who was that, mom?" Charles asked as we sat down in the car seats. I started the car and drove off. "That's Jughead's father, Forsythe. Apparently my co-worker at Pop's." I sighed and turned right. "You don't seem to like him." He chuckled. Oh honey, if you only knew. But I couldn't tell him the truth so I just shrugged. "A lot has changed during those 25 years, Charles. It's not always that easy to pick up where you left." Charles frowned but let it rest. He turned on the radio and ' I'll wait for you' by Joe Nichols started playing. I remember my granddad singing that on my grandma's funeral. I loved that song so much. I told Charles about it and he smiled. "You know, you never told me about your family, neither has dad, now I come to think of it. Are my grandparents still alive? Or yours?" I bit my lips, wondering what to tell. "Well Hal's father died when Hal was only ten years old and his mother passed away when you were one. Don't you remember the picture on the fireplace?" I skipped the part telling Hal's dad killed a man and then got killed out of revenge. Hal hated his father for being a murderer. Luckily his mom got the guardianship over him after the divorce and Hal grew up to be a caring man. His mother died because of cancer but I remember how happy she was when she got to hold Charles. Even though it wasn't Hal's, but they didn't know that. Charles nodded. "I do. Too bad I didn't get t know them. What about your parents?" I sighed. "After I found out I was pregnant with you, Hal and I left town after graduation and I haven't talked to them ever since." Charles looked at me in surprise. "Why didn't you tell them you were pregnant, mom? I mean, they're your parents." I shrugged. "I didn't want them to be disappointed in me. They had such high hopes and I already made a mess. I would've never traded you for anything in the world, sweetheart, and I was just scared thatI had to give you up if they found out." Charles stared in front of him and kept silent the whole ride. A bit later I parked the car in front of our house and he jumped out of the car. I collected my stuff and ran behind him. "Charles, talk to me." He turned around and I saw tears in his eyes. "Look it's fine, mom. I get it you were scared but it hurts that you thought I'd be a disappointment to them. Did you ever actually want me? I mean I understand that getting pregnant at seventeen isn't ideal age to get pregnant but tell me this who actually wanted to keep me? You or my father?" His outlash shocked me and tears well up. "You can't even answer that. Great, mom." He shook his head and walked inside. The hurt in his eyes killed me. I softly whispered "In the end we both did." 

The tears were running down my face and I slowly sat on the ground against my car. How did everythig suddenly crashed down like this? How long had Charles been walking around with these thoughts? How could he even think I didn't want him? But his mind had wrapped itself around that idea and I sighed. I guess for now I should give him time and not push him. I quickly wiped away my tears as I heard a door open and stood up. "Hi misses Cooper. We were just leaving." I turned around and saw Archie and Jughead walking down. "Alright, boys. I hope you had fun." I tried to make my voice sound normal a forced a smile. Archie nodded. "I'll see you Monday at school, Jug." He gave him a pat on the back and walked to the house next to ours as Jughead climbed on his motorcycle. "Uh, misses Cooper?" He asked while holding his helmet. I looked up. "Yes, Jughead?" "Was my father still at Pop's when you left?" "He was but he was about to leave too. I guess he should be back at the trailer by now." Jughead raised an eyebrow. "How do you know we live in a trailer?" He asked. "Oh I just assumed he still lived in his trailer. I knew your father back in high school and I remember he said he'd never leave that place." Jughead nodded. "Alright, I'll see you around, misses Cooper." He put on his helmet and drove off. I bit my lip. It was still strange to know FP moved on and created a family of his own with someone else. But what did I expect? I did the same. And FP was ancient history, that kiss that had happened should've never happened and it could never happen again. Because if it would, I don't think my heart could handle that. It would destroy everything and we had destroyed enough during the years. Even though there is no one I'd rather be with right now, I had to let him go again. It was for the best, the best for us but also for our children. "I have to let you go, FP." I whispered to myself before walking in and closing the door.