Nutricula

Chirodropida

After what felt like hours, but was probably 10 minutes, Izuku had managed to calm everyone down enough to demand why, exactly, his body was about to ritually cremated. Ashido Mina (looking bright magenta as she explained this) eventually confessed that she thought that it was only fitting that a true warrior should get a funeral pyre, and Kaminari Denki apparently agreed heavily (or as heavily as his rebooting brain would allow).

Izuku let out a sigh and closed his eyes. He would have rubbed the bridge of his nose had he had an arm. Alas, it was somewhere in the pile of rubble and foliage.

"Guys, please," Izuku said over a new bout of argument over whether or not to go forward with the cremation plan. Apparently the teams were now "Izuku's alive so we really shouldn't destroy his body" and "He's just a head, what can he do, and besides, we went through all this trouble to set up this fire pit", rather than "Izuku deserves a warrior's funeral - getting burned on the battlefield he died on" and "No one does that anymore, guys, let's just try to piece the body back together, dress it up nice, and give him a proper funeral for his mother". "Can I please just have my body back?"

"About that," R18 Hero Midnight spoke up, letting go of Todoroki (who was apparently arguing for Izuku to get his body back), "What, exactly, is going on? Your transcript when you applied for this school said you were Quirkless, and then you posthumously changed that to "Kinetic Energy" Quirk, and then Aizawa said you had an Adaptability Quirk, but from what Asui-chan here was just telling me, it's not even that! So just what the hell, kid?!"

"Kayama-san," Principal Nedzu began, looking at Midnight rather strangely, "How do you have access to the students' personal files?"

"I'm teaching their Contemporary Hero Art History course," Midnight shrugged, "I gotta know some things."

"Yes, but how do you have Midoriya Izuku's file from the beginning of the year?"

"Hizashi made everyone keys to your office," Replied Midnight, pointing at Present Mic nonchalantly. Present Mic looked as if he would rather be somewhere else.

"Yamada-san," Principal Nedzu sighed, "I shall talk to you later. Right now..." Principal Nedzu walked up to Izuku. "Young Midoriya, can you ambulate on your own?"

"Uh..." Izuku said, not used to talking to the principal as it was his second week at school and he had seen the vaguely rodent-like (canine-like, if Kirishima were to be believed) mammal maybe twice in his life, "Not that, I'm aware, no..."

"I see..." Principal Nedzu hummed, "Can you move your other body parts?"

"I don't know," Izuku replied, "I tried moving them earlier, but I couldn't tell what was happening. Everything just feels really numb right now."

"Interesting..." Principal Nedzu nodded. "What if I were to place your head back onto your body?"

"Sir?" Shiozaki asked from where she was.

"Merely thinking, young Shiozaki," Principal Nedzu explained, "Of Doll Hero Bisque, who could rotate and remove his limbs at will, as well as reattach them. He was quite popular in Japan, not so much in his home country of France."

"Oh!" Kirishima exclaimed, banging his fist on his palm, "I think I remember Bisque! Dude's totally retro, heard he's got grandkids now! I'm surprised you know about him, Principal!"

Principal Nedzu chuckled as he walked over to Izuku's head. "I always look to the Heroes of the past, young Kirishima. After all, one can learn a great deal from history, and apply it to the future of Heroism. That's just one reason we teach it at UA. Now, would you all help me unearth young Midoriya's body?"