Broken- And Fixed Again- (A Jamilton Fanfic)

Chapter 35: Fireworks

//TW: suicide, manipulation and emotional abuse, swearing, sex, PTSD\\

Do you know what's coming in a few chapters? Because I do. And it terrifies me.

~•~

Thomas

I tried to call back the last remnants of the dream, but it was swirling away into the mist. No matter how far I tried to reach, it was just out of touch. What was it about? A park, a garden? There was someone there with me, but I couldn't remember who it was.

Whatever had happened in the unknown realm, it left me with a warm, fuzzy feeling in my stomach which was a huge contrast to the normal fear and biting anxiety accompanying the first glimpse of dawn that breaks through my vision. Now, I took in the world, the sunlight drifting in through the windows, and it all seemed so...beautiful. So brand new, in the old familiar ways. I blinked as I took it all in, as the last remaining pieces of the dream faded into utter obscurity so completely that they made no sense anymore, but that hardly mattered. The day broke over the fields awaiting outside the window, and the memories of the night before no longer needed to persist.

Warmth poured through me as I gazed at the rising sun and the gorgeous rays of light, colored a dazzling array of hues, that danced along the floor. I breathed in deep, the second thing I noticed being the gentle heartbeat of the person pressed against my back, his hands wrapped around my body. I could tell he was awake, simply by the fluttering way he traced his fingers along my skin. I relaxed against him, searching for the comfort and love his mere touch never failed to provide. I could exist here, for the rest of time itself, and never yearn for anything else. I could exist simply for Alexander the way I was, never needing to bend or change, because he loved me regardless.

It is the moments like this, that I never forget. And for as much as I adore Alexander's grand gestures of passion and romance, from his deep confessions and elaborate displays of affection to the undying drive to rescue me time and time again, it is the moments like these that attach themselves to my soul. The gentle moments spent basking in the morning light, the moments living solely in his arms, listening to his heartbeat and abiding by his love. These are the moments I wish I could stretch into eternity. How amazing it would be, to have a lifetime of such comfort, such warmth. I would live and die in his arms, happily, never yearning for a single thing. He was my safety.

"Thomas?" he whispered softly, perhaps noting the change in my posture as I curled up closer in on myself, trying to retain as much warmth as I could before having to leave it all behind for the less gentle day. "You awake?"

I didn't say anything, softening myself against him so he could hold me closer. I adored the way he held me close, an unspoken promise to always protect me. How could I ever want to exist anywhere else, when he was right here?

"Thomas," Alexander said flatly, pressing his lips against the back of my neck. "I know you're awake, love. There's no point trying to pretend otherwise..." His voice took on a soft lilt to it as he tugged me closer to him, one hand wrapped firmly around my waist, the other trailing down to my thigh.

I remained silent, smiling softly to myself.

"Thomas?" whispered a voice gently. There was the soft feeling of lips being placed against my neck for a few seconds. "Thomas." I continued to ignore the voice. "Well... if Thomas isn't awake, I guess I can give Berlioz back to John then."

"No!"

From behind me, Alexander chuckled. He squeezed his arms, and I couldn't help the soft sigh that escaped my lips, loving every moment of being his. The way he touched me, so gentle yet so passionate. There was no question about his love, and that was perhaps the most wonderful thing in the world.