Broken- And Fixed Again- (A Jamilton Fanfic)

Chapter 16: Nobody Can Save You Now

//TW: swearing, manipulation and gaslighting, verbal and physical abuse, self-harm\\

Lord you guys are gonna hate me

Thomas

"H-how did you—"

"I just want to talk," he said, raising his hands as if to show he had no plans to hurt me. Well, physically, at least. That glint, that maniacal, predatory glint in his eyes tore straight through my body without any warning, without any hesitation, leaving raw, bloody wounds in its wake. He sized me up, hungry, lustful, and there was no escape. There was never an escape. I could have traveled the entire world and he would still find me because he always found me. Fate had woven our paths so tightly together. A cosmic joke with a punchline that consisted of bruises and blood and me always ending up hurt.

"There's—there's nothing to talk about," I managed to squeak out. Oh, how I longed to sound proud, brave, firm, like a hero standing with a raised chin against the worst of storms, hardly flinching as lightning cleaved the sky in two around him. Instead, I sounded like a scared, lost child cowering at the smallest hint of thunder.

"You think so?" James said, his gaze still raking up my body, and I could practically hear all the imaginings flickering to life in his head. My stomach lurched, threatening to spill what little food I had managed to force down a few hours ago. "I disagree."

"No, James, please—" I whimpered, my self-control slipping right through my fingers. "I can't—"

"Can't what, Tommy?" he asked, taking a step towards me. The space between us closed a single foot but he was still far too close and there was nowhere left for me to retreat to. And somehow, James's voice was calm, easy, almost questioning. To anybody peering in on the conversation, it wouldn't at all look like what it truly was. It would look like a conversation between friends. Not one between a predator and a flightless, hopeless bird.

In the end, I couldn't answer him.

"Come on, Tommy. Tell me. What can't you do?"

I opened my mouth and closed it again, the walls shrinking down on me, trapping me in with him. He took another step forwards. Something tight constricted around my lungs, knocking the breath out of me. The air turned sour anyway, as if it had gone rotten with his mere presence.

"Dammit, Thomas!" His voice echoed off of the walls, and just as had become natural, I flinched away, ready for whatever strike would land across my face. "Fucking answer me!"

"I can't go back, James, please," I whimpered, begged, because it was all I knew how to do.

James shook his head. "You're such a fucking whore, Thomas. But honestly, what else was I expecting?" Something in his gaze snapped, hardened, but a smile overcame his lips. It wasn't a smirk. It wasn't an evil grin. It was a simple smile, and perhaps the single most sickening thing I had seen in a long time. I pressed myself further against the wall but the wall never yielded and I wasn't any farther from him. "Go pack. We're leaving."

"I'm not—I can't—I don't want to—" Starts and stops and sentence fragments all failing to convey something that just couldn't be described.

"Oh? You don't want to?" he snapped, his tone sending shockwaves of adrenaline, fear, and unshakeable pain through my body. Strange how the smallest things could burn so badly. "That's fucking rich, Thomas, but I don't remember asking you what you wanted. You think I wanted you to leave me like the fucking whore you are?"