Dark Seas (ON HOLD)

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WE SAT IN silence in Dakota's and my cabin. The ship slowly rolled over swells, and the room shifted like a see-saw. My hands shook as I clenched and unclenched the loose sheets on the bed where I sat. Jenson had pulled the only chair out from the desk, leaving Anthony and Dakota next to each other on the other bed.

"What was that," Dakota repeated the question she'd received no answer to previously, but this time she said it more like a statement. "You all saw it, right?"

I wanted to answer her. I wanted to say something, but when I tried to press words out of my mouth, they caught in my throat.

I picked at my finger nails. They were already so short there was no white at the tips, but I did it anyway. I found any small sliver of loose skin and scraped. My duffle bag glared at me from the other side of the room. I hadn't unpacked all of my clothes. I'd left a layer on top to cover where I'd hidden...

"It had to have been a trick of the light," Anthony said quickly, like he was trying to convince himself of it just as much as any of us. "The flashlight must have reflected off something funny. Some piece of equipment." He sat close to Dakota. His hand rested on the sheets behind her. She shivered. He rubbed small circles into her back.

I looked over to Jenson, wondering if he was going to say anything. He didn't. Instead, he stared at Dakota and Anthony. The walls closed in by an inch with each roll of the ship. I brought my fingers up to my face. They smelled like paint and metal. I bit at the nail of my thumb. I pulled at it with my teeth. My hands shook. I shook. I thought about drinking.

"It looked like a face!" Dakota said a bit too loudly.

"Shhh," Anthony whispered. "You'll wake up the whole deck."

I pulled hard at my thumb nail. In a sudden release like a stuck zipper, it gave with a satisfying tear. Sharp pain shot through my hand and I winced. Bright red dripped from where I had ripped the nail back a quarter of an inch past the bed. Blood pooled around the rim of the nail and streamed down my hand. My eyes teared up. I put my thumb in my palm and squeezed a fist around it.

"Leigh, are you all right?" Jenson asked.

I turned my eyes up to him quickly and nodded. I hadn't realized he'd been watching me. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to say something, but I choked back words. The ship rolled, and the walls closed in another inch.

"What about that... bump?" Dakota changed the subject, unintentionally saving me. "Something hit the ship."

"It could have been anything," Anthony said. "Maybe a big fish?"

"A big fish, yeah right. Unless by fish you mean Moby Fucking Dick."

"Maybe just kick-back from the engine revving with the power surge?" Jenson suggested.

Their conversation blurred into a drone in my head. The tip of my thumb stung sharply. It pulsed with each beat of my heart. Warmth soaked the inside of my hand. I opened it. Red stained my palm. My stomach turned as the ship rolled over a swell. Tears burned hot behind my eyes, threatening to burst. I would not cry. I would not cry.

"Leigh?"

"I need some air!" Jumping to my feet, I darted to the door. I made no eye contact as I went. I didn't want to see what they were thinking. I could feel them watching me, and it burned.

My feet swerved around the quick turns of the tight corridor. The bulkheads closed in around me. The floor swayed beneath me like a funhouse. My head pulsed and my stomach turned with nausea as the ship rolled. I thought about intoxicated walks I'd made back to my dorm room in college. Returning from the woods where we'd all drank. Three in the morning. Stumbling. Laughing.