Zephaniah // z.m

6. Sleep like daddy

Zayn

Once Zephaniah was in bed, he couldn't stop crying. His still slightly high pitched voice hummed along with his sobs, the tears rolling down his cheeks uncontrollably.

"But why don't you like it, Zeph? Can you try and explain it to daddy? I only want to help you." I said quietly as I laid down beside him in his bed, helplessly watching as my little boy was entangled with his own mind.

Hannah gave us some time alone as she felt like we needed it and I was very thankful for that. It made me realise that maybe she would be a good caregiver. She noticed everything and felt every emotion, which was an important thing to me.

Zephaniah almost choked on his sobs as he stared at the ceiling, his lips parted and his eyes blinking rapidly, as well as his hands flapping. "Don't like the feeling, daddy, d-do not want to bite it."

He shivered and I frowned, "But you don't have to bite a towel."

Zephaniah cried louder, "I know daddy! I know but I feel w-wwith my hands what I feel with teeth if I b-bite a towel."

I didn't fully understand what he was saying, but I tried not to dwell on it that much, knowing he'd get really upset. "Why does it make you so upset?" I frowned sadly and spoke softly, knowing my voice calmed him down most of the times.

My son stayed quiet for a long time, his crying the only thing that was heard. I knew he was thinking about what I asked him, he usually needed more time to process and think about what I had said.

"New p-people, daddy. Makes m-me scared and I do not like towels, daddy, I never like towels." He shook his head and fisted his eyes as the tears didn't stop falling from his eyes, his tongue moving around his mouth in circles.

I brushed them away with my thumb and pressed several kisses on his cheeks, desperately wanting him to calm down. "I know you find it hard to meet people, but Ms. Hannah is very sweet. I told you if she isn't nice she wouldn't be your nanny, but she's sweet. I promise." I said for the sake of my own son. I barely knew her, but what else could I say?

"And you know I'm always home, yeah? I'm working but I'm at home so you can still reach out to me. You just need to talk a little to her, Zeph. Get to know her, you'll feel better. If you don't talk she doesn't know what to say either." I explained softly, hoping that he would understand it.

"Find hard daddy. Do not know w-what to say." Zephaniah continued to cry and I knew if he didn't calm down now, he'd start to scream soon. As that was weirdly enough a way for him to express his sadness, anger or when he was scared. I didn't feel like scaring Hannah off on her first day, so I quickly rubbed his back as he laid his head down on my chest.

"Calm down, Zeph, you're okay." I whispered soothingly as I continued to rub his back and kiss his cheek. "You can tell her anything, from what you got for your last birthday to your favorite things to do. She'll love to hear what you have to say, just like daddy does."

Zephaniah looked up at me and cupped my cheeks, something he did more often. "Really?" He whispered.

"Really." I confirmed, kissing his nose softly. "Tomorrow, when she picks you up from school, you can start by telling her what you did at school."

"Will try d-daddy." He whispered sadly and he gave me a kiss on my lips, then snuggled up in his bed.

I tried to hide the pain in my chest as I realised how difficult he thought it was to talk to other people. It really wasn't that hard, but he was so insecure and shy that it prohibited him. If only I could take it all away.

"Daddy's gonna tuck you in," I said quietly, tucking my son's small body in with his dog themed duvets. I leaned down and kissed his lips shortly, stroking his wet cheeks after that. "I'm so proud of you, Zeph. And I love you. Sleep tight and don't let the bedbugs..."