A life in grains

6.

It was my mother who told me, and as a punishment she had to stop me endlessly while I was falling on the ground. She didn't know when it would happen, even I didn't know exactly, but, without my being able to do anything, his memory sometimes came back in my mind. Liam appeared in my head emerging from the flat sea in ​​my brain and caused a storm of sickness, like a paper boat my common sense was soaking and sinking. I got angry with my stubborn body that couldn't run by Liam, I forced it to get up pushing up myself with the bit of strength that remained in my arms and I always came with my nose two centimeters from the floor, until my mother saved me. I was almost happy to see her fear, I hated her for breaking my world, and I thought it was right that she also had some pain. Liam had left without telling me anything and without messages, and I wasn't able to find his new address, he had abandoned me.

Every thought of mine was tied with loneliness, every sentence or situation seemed an offense to my condition, I wanted the world to live with the thought of my bad luck and I raged when it was forgotten. I became biting and touchy, my brain was full of tense strings snapped by every clumsy movement. The tears were always ready to go out, on the edge of the cliff I got used to seeing the world in half.

I often forgot to thank the fate that kept me alive, I couldn't think of every day as a gift, I wanted everything to end, but my body was so weak that it couldn't even hurt itself. I could no longer see the wonderful painting in the world, its perfumes annoyed me and I wanted to see nothing.