Deep {COMPLETED}

e i g h t

Riley Green

When I woke up I was sweaty and sticky, and my comforter was kicked onto the floor. After the one rainstorm, the weather changed drastically yet again, and it was unbearably hot in my apartment. The sun was shining brightly through my window, just as it did every Saturday morning, as I got up to take a cold shower and get myself ready for group therapy.

I dressed myself in a lightweight dark skater skirt and tucked in a white lacey sleeveless top. When I finished getting ready, I walked outside to wait for Natalie to drive up, and as I did, I was certain it was hotter in my apartment than it was outside.

When Natalie dropped me off, I smoothed my skirt down nervously before walking in.

A few days ago, Ian Walker kissed me for the second time in two weeks, which was two times too many. The first one had affected me, bad. I'd gone practically insane, and so I did everything in my power to make Ian feel the same way, inviting him over to drink wine and look at the stars, taking him swimming in the rain in just our underwear, things like that. I think it must of worked because something compelled him to kiss me again. This time, I wasn't so much bothered by it, I just pushed all the feelings away and reminded myself that it was only a game, and it seemed to work.

The game was still going, and I was still trying to drive him mad. I made myself seem available to him, but whenever he got close I pushed him away, so that I was never quite reachable. He was taking my walls down and I wouldn't have it, I spent most of my life building up my image and my reputation, turning myself into someone I liked. The only way to keep him from getting inside of me was to keep myself in control, I was the game master and he was just playing my game. All my walls had to stay up. I may have been a mess because of the first kiss, but Ian had no idea what he was in for when he decided to go after me, it was his own fault for kissing me.

So even though I had the slightest bit of nerves, I was fine, totally and completely unaffected and fine. I walked in confidently, with a purpose and made my way to a seat. Ian was already here, sitting a few seats away from me with several people in between us. I crossed my legs, not minding that my skirt rode up my thighs a bit, maybe Ian would notice and it would do me some good.

When we marked progress I added a second tally next to my name, Ian added one as well. Kathy beamed at both of us, as well as everyone else, and congratulated the group.

When the session ended, we all recited the motto, "Trust without lust" and Kathy reminded us that the summer was halfway over. I couldn't believe we were only half done with group therapy and I'd have to endure another month and a half of it.

I stayed behind for Ian to go out first, I wanted to be the one to approach him. As I did, he stiffened up and smiled awkwardly, like just my presence affected him.

"Hey, Ian." He looked ahead, with his hands stuffed in his pockets and his shoulder raised up by his neck.

"Hey." I looked at him, even though he was avoiding my eyes.

"Ian, my friend Natalie, the one you met before," he nodded in understanding as I spoke, "well her and her boyfriend are renting out a lake house and vacationing there for a weekend, they invited me to go. And you see," I could tell by the look of fear in his eyes and the way he swallowed hard that he knew where this was going. I lightly touched his arm before continuing, "I really want to go but not unless I have someone else to go with, I don't want to be the third wheel, and even though everyone glorifies them, I'm not a huge fan of threesomes." Ian's eyes widened and he cracked a smile, becoming more comfortable suddenly.

"When is it?" He asked. I thought for a minute, running the dates through my head before answering,

"This coming weekend. We'd have to miss group therapy, it'd be a shame, but it might be worth it." I joked, Ian smiled down at the ground and kicked around some dirt before bringing his hand up the back of his neck and looking down at me.