Friends With Benefits

22.

Zach was looking for parenting classes for us to attend. I smiled , as I went downstairs to make something for him to eat. He'd enrolled his brother into a private boarding school. I asked to visit to tell him the wonderful news. A blessing like this shouldn't be kept a secret. Ironic because I kept the baby a secret from him all this time , but as they say let bygones be bygones. I also told him that I'd be moving into my first apartment. He said he'd be there.

I asked about the meeting - in which he called to tell them something important had come up & he couldn't make it. I persisted for him to go - but he wouldn't budge. I honestly gave up.

I used my fingers to walk up & down the glass of the passenger , looking outside. Small raindrops ran down & I pretended to trace my finger along them. Music filled the silence & the cool air from the air conditioning blew on my face. Zach seemed to enjoy the music , as he beat his finger on the steering wheel as he drove. I looked at him for a second , his long eyelashes & almost delicate features. He'd grown since the last time i've seen him , the slight stubble on his chin looked prickly & he seemed more mature. I looked away.

The rain had cleared up slightly when we got to my new apartment. Zach still put his hoodie over my head as we walked into the lobby , even though it wasn't a long walk from where he parked & i wouldn't really get wet.
I took it off my head & held it with both hands , slightly snuggling it. We made our way to the top floor & I fumbled with my keys till I found the right one. As we walked in my mouth fell in an O , at the sight. Everything was done. Every couch was in the place I wanted. I could see the living room clearly from the kitchen as I wanted , so i could see the baby as he played while I cooked. The colour coordination. Everything. I dropped my hand from my mouth , as I turned around to look at Zach who wore a big smile. He looked tired , his eyes , the stress lines on his forehead , but the smile was genuine.

" Surprise." he said cooly. " All those sunday's watching HGTV with you finally paid off."

There was a white crib in the corner of the living room , incase I was in there & the baby wanted to take a nap or chill , I don't know.

I ran into his arms & he wrapped his huge arms around my petite body.

" I love you."

he stiffened under my touch , I felt it.

Then I realized what I said , I quickly let go of him.

" Um - can you go ?"

I played with my fingers , " I need a nap"

" Might try out that new bed." I joked. Drily.

I hadn't said those words in so long with so much passion, maybe he hadn't felt that way about me anymore.

Then i remembered yesterday when he'd said it - why had he gotten so tense then ? Maybe he had felt obligate to say it ? Maybe because I didn't say 'you too' but instead spelt it out this time ? Maybe ?

Maybe he was just here for the baby. He felt obligated to be here for the baby.

Then I started overthinking - that's why i didn't want to tell him. I didn't want him to be forced into this. I did-

No stress isn't good for the baby. Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts.

I didn't realize when he slipped his hand in mine. The other on my belly.

" I love you." then he looked down at my tummy , " and you."

" Why didn't you say it back yesterday."

I shrugged , " now i'm sure , i still love you. The same way i did before you ghosted me & before that."

& " i love you - even though you kept my child from for months."

" I love you."

Relieved. We both let out a breath we hadn't known we'd been keeping - or I didn't know I was keeping.

Then he crashed his lips unto mine.

" This is how I got pregnant" I joked , my lips still on his.

" Too bad , we can't make another one."

With that he lift me up , carrying me into my room - our room , I don't know. Gently placing me on the bed , we almost melted into. So soft. He kissed my neck going up - then back to my lips that were slightly swollen at this point. Then he put in some work.

We both felt a part hours later. Breathing heavily. He pecked my lips once more , before going to get me some water.

" Can I have pickles." I pouted, " and mayo."

he made a face , as if to say nasty , but went to fetch it anyways. I smiled.

I was loving this.