Safe | Draco x Reader

Chapter 28~ Secret

Pov Draco

'There's a reason I was staring at L/N during dinner.' I start off with. Damn, this is so much scarier than I imagined it to be, and it's not even her. Just Blaise.
'Go on.' he replies expectantly.
'Okay...' I sigh. This is soul wrecking.
'The reason is.. I uhm.. I... I think- I'm sorry I can't.' I stumble.
'Dude, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.'
'No no, I do. But this just takes everything inside me to tell you, I haven't told anyone, heck I haven't even dared admit it to myself. Telling you makes it feel so much realer all of a sudden.'
'Hey, calm down. It can't be that bad, right?' he says awkwardly, both of us aren't quite good at talking about feelings.
'Yeah, it sure isn't.' I let out an uneasy laugh, followed by an even worse silence.
'You know what, I'm just gonna tell you. Yeah, that's what I'll do.' I mumble, more to myself than to him. Blaise just stays silent, waiting for me to get myself together.
'Alright... So I've always been bad at Transfiguration, and I hate that. I hate being bad at things, I have to be the best. When you told me about how you completed our dare, you told me about Diggory trafficking L/N. And suddenly I feel so bad for profiting from that, but I felt so brilliant for coming up with the plan that I had. My plan was, to blackmail Y/N into tutoring me. Because I knew her secret, she couldn't refuse nor tell anyone, or I would tell everybody. So I knew for sure she'd help, and I wouldn't have to worry about the embarrassing truth to come out; that I needed a tutor. So, we met up about every week and she taught me things. But then, the day we beat her up, she came back with such ugly bruises that something inside of me stung very painfully. It was a feeling like you saw your favourite expensive jewelry shatter, like the disappointed look in your father's eyes. That was what I compared it to back then, those were the pains I knew. Later, I've come to feel different about it, named it as guilt. I felt bad for being such a horrible human being, not really for hurting someone like that, but for hurting her like that. I immediately decided to be a little nice to her, to make up for what I had done. I didn't think about why, and I didn't want to because it felt weird and scary, so I can thought not questioning it would be better. Surprisingly, when I started being nice to her, she was kind to me too. Apparently the reason she's been being such an insufferable bitch all the time is because we were even worse,' I let out a small chuckle before I continue, 'but that's irrelevant. The point is, we started talking. In like, an actual nice way. I never do that, to be fair. And after a while I began to notice little things about her. A cute mark on her face that compliments it very well, the way her eyelashes hide the truth of her eyes. How she looks away when she doesn't know what to say, how she always talks in the same voice when she tries to lighten up an awkward mood. The way she smiles at people to bright up their mind, when she feels like they deserve so. I loved those things, honestly. And I was absolutely disgusted by myself when I realised it. In such a short period of time, I had actually fallen in love with her. And my first reaction was self-destruction. I started to scold myself for being such a sappy stupid bastard. Then I felt sick of myself, because it was Y/N L/N, the mudblood. And that was awful and scary. So I decided to distance myself from her as much as I can. I haven't even been bullying her, no I just act like she doesn't exist. Except for when she doesn't notice me. Because when I have a free pass to look at her, I can't help but do so. I still like her, and I don't want to. I feel like a traitor by doing so, but I just can't help it. I actually miss her. Damn... Merlin's beard, I sound like those annoying cheesy Hufflepuffs.'
'Wow...' Is all Blaise says to me.
'Yeah, wow.' Please don't tell me he's disgusted by me, I think to myself.
'You know, I'd never thought I'd ever have a conversation with you likes this.' he says after a while.
'Yeah, neither did I.' I sigh. 'So what should I do?'
'In all honesty, forget about everything. You like her? I think you should confess. Yes, she is muggleborn, people should get over it.' he tells me.
'You really think so?'
'I do.'
'Thanks.'

{I'm so shitty lmao, writing this took longer than I promised, sorry. THANKS FOR OVER THE 50K READS THOUGH]