The dent in our vows

𝟎𝟒

I eyed him curiously. "When?"

"I don't know." His reply was quick, arid.

I frowned, confused and a little irritated. "You can't just say you don't know and expect me to make peace with it. You have to give me more, a time range maybe. It's already a year, how long do I have to wait?"

"I said, I don't know, take it in good faith and believe that when I am ready, I'll let you know." His voice held an annoyed tint to it and I knew pressing forward would only irk him but I didn't care.

"You've been telling me the same thing over and over again and frankly I'm tired of hearing it."

"If you don't want to hear it then don't bring this conversation up." He intoned grimly. "I've told you that you'll have yours, what else do you want to hear?"

My fists curled by my side. I was hurt, hurt that he would take that tone with me, like I was being unreasonable and irrational. "It's been almost a year since we got married, David, and every time we talked about making a family, you shut me off."

"Dawn." He half sneered, closing his laptop with a bang. He was being defensive, too defensive. "For the last time, let's not talk about this. Drop it."

As intimidating as his words might have sounded, I was not going to give in or cower.

"What's the point of this marriage if all we do is have sex like horny teenagers?" I drawled with the thickest voice of despair I could muster. "You say you love me but you treat me no less than the women you've slept with."

He was getting up from bed now, his muscles tensing as he walked to me, smelling so good. He took a deep breath. "Dawn, baby, why can't you see that this is exactly what my mother wants: to see us fight."

My frown deepened. "Don't try to change the subject and answer me. You make me take all these birth control pills for reasons I don't even understand and I'm a hundred percent sure you made every other woman take, so how am I any different?"

He shoved both hands through his hair and heaved out a sigh. "I have sex with you because you are my woman and I love you, isn't that a good enough reason?"

"No, it's not. I want to have kids, I want to carry your child, our child. Why is it so hard to accept or am I not good enough? Are you seeing someone else?" I didn't know why but my eyes burned. "If you are please let me know."

"Baby," he cupped my cheeks, his single touch burning my skin. "You're the only woman in my life and I wouldn't want anyone else to carry my unborn children."

"Then why won't you let me?" I closed my eyes and fought back the weary despair that forced itself up. "Why, David?"

"Because I'm not in the right state of mind for that, I have a lot going on with work and my family and you, "He closed the distance between us and grazed my lips with his thumb. I tried but I couldn't ignore the shiver that snaked down my spine.

"Let's not fight anymore." He swallowed the space left, so much so that my breasts pressed against his warm chest. "There are a lot of things I'd rather be doing with you in bed right now." He lowered his face to mine, his breath on my lip. "Very, very interesting things..." His lips trapped mine in a soft, controlled kiss that invaded every bit of my body, taking away the will to think or push him away.

"David..." My mind fogged. His smell, the hardness and heat of his body-It was getting the better part of me and I couldn't let this happen. He was trying to get away from this again; to run away from the conversation. He knew I wouldn't be able to resist him when we were like this. My breasts swelled and my body ached. I wanted this, craved it even but I couldn't let him get to me.

"David, stop." I breathed, pushing on his shoulder.

"Please baby..." He moaned into my mouth, imprisoning me in his tight grip, squeezing my hip hard, and pulling me into him so I could feel his growing need for me. "Allow me to take you to bed."

"David let me go..." I pushed. He didn't budge, he kept me cornered, imprisoned. "David, I said stop!" I shoved at his shoulder with everything I had and he staggered back. "Just stop! Stop trying to run away from this!"

For a moment he didn't speak. Silence surrounded us, wrapping me in a thick blanket of anxiety as we stood, neither of us moving except for the rise and fall of our chests.

My tongue darted out to wet my lower lip. They'd gone dry. Too dry. "Kissing-" My voice cracked halfway through. I paused and inhaled. "Kissing me isn't going to give you a one-way ticket out of this." I clutched my robe closer to my body. "Until you're ready to talk about this, I'm not going to let you have your way with me so you're going to have to choose."

He still didn't speak to me, he just stared through me, like I had said nothing. And I wanted for his reply, I wanted him to open up to me, he'd been so defensive and secretive about this topic that it bothered me very much and I wanted to know, if there was a problem, I needed to know.

So I waited for something, anything, but the words that came out of his mouth made my heart thump painfully against my rib.

"Have it your way."

He was locking me out.

"David-" I reached for his arm but he moved back and marched over to the door without sparing me another glance.

It opened.

My heart crashed.

It closed.

He was gone. He'd walked out on me and left me alone.