One Shots (Lams)

If I Could Tell Him

"He thought you were awsome."

"He thought I was awsome? John?"

"Definitely!"

"How?"

"Well..." Hercules started, rubbing the back of his neck before taking a deep breath. "He said there's like your smile sort of subtle and prefect and real." Hercules started smiling sheepishly looking down at his shoes. "And he said, you never knew how wonderful that smile could make someone feel."

"And..... And he knew whenever you get bored you scribble stars on the cuffs of your jeans" the Frenchman added glancing at Hercules who was clrealy at the verge of tears but held it in. "He noticed that?" Alex asked looking up from the stuff turtle that is resting on his lap. "Yeah" the Frenchman replied.

"And he noticed that you still fill out the quizzes that they put in those teen magazines" Hercules said finally looking up. Remembering all of the times John talk non-stop about Alexander, how his eyes sparkle whenever he talked about something he liked, how his happy attitude disappears whenever he saw Thomas Jefferson, or how he roast Jefferson in every debate. Man he was ruthless! "But he kept it all inside his head what he saw he left unsaid, and though he wanted to he couldn't talk to you he couldn't find the way" he added.

Lafayette took Alexander's hands into his, getting the others attention. The Frenchmen did not avert his eyes from their hands. "But he would always say...."

"If I could tell him." John said looking up at the wide horizon in front of him and his friends. "Tell him everything I see. If I could tell him how he's everything to me" he continued smiling sadly. He wanted to shout that he loved Alexander with all his heart. He wanted the immigrant to be his, but the moment he saw Eljza hepless, he couldn't bring himself to do so. He stepped aside and let his friend be happy, be knew himself that he will never be satisfied. "But we're a million worlds apart and I don't know how I would even start. If I could tell him" he added

"And I don't know how I would even start. If I could tell him" Lafayette quoted tears now cascading down the contours of his cheeks looking at Alexander dead in the eye. "If I could tell him." He added.

"Did he say anything else?" The immigrant asked turning his head to Hercules, who is still holding back his tears and seeing Lafayette cry made it harder for him. "About you?"

"Never mind, I don't really care anyways" Alexander immediately replied turning his head away, bitting the bottom of his lip.

"No, no, no just, no, no he said, he said so many things I'm just, I'm trying to remember the best ones so, um" Hercules waved his hand nervously, before pulling the collar of his shirt to breathe, taking deep breathes calming himself down. Is it worth it? Of course it js! But we promised John we would never tell Alex. Herc, look. Alex deserves to know. But John- John would like you to tell Alexander the things he failed to say. You're..... You're right.

"He thought you looked really pretty, er- it looked pretty cool when you put indigo streaks in your hair" he added glancing at Laf nervously.

"He did?" This brought a small smile on Alexander's face, twisting a piece of hair between his thumb and index finger.

"And he wondered how you learned to dance like all the rest of the world isn't there" Lafayette continued wiping the tears from his eyes, squeezing Alex's hand.

"But he kept it, inside his head. What he saw he left unsaid" Hercules started, by now he just let the tears fall down.

John burst into the dorm room soaking wet. Now before you guys think something dirty, he ran through the pouring rain as fast as he could. Worried that Alexander would have panic attacks and he was not mistaken.

There the at corner end of the room, was Alexander trmbling, whimpering, sobbing, and wrapped in blankets. The Carolian wasted no time in comforting the immigrant. He held him tight in his arms whispering sweet things in his ear.

"If I could tell him tell him everything I see. If I could tell him how he's everything to me, but we're a million worlds apart and I don't know how I would even start. If I could tell him" Hercules sat down on the bed, the place where John used to sleep, a place where Alexander would always sleep on whenever there were storms letting John hugged him, cradle him unti he fall asleep, until the storm passed.

"But what do you do when there's this great divide? He just seemed so far away and what do you do when the distance is too wide?"

"It's like I don't know anything and how do you say 'I love you'" Laf laughed bitterly remembering John would always rant how Alex did not pick him, how the immigrant choose of love Eliza instead of him. There is nothing wrong with Eliza, she's hot, she's pretty, she's cute, she's sexy, and she's rich! Heck even John would go after her if he is straight, but he is straight as a circle, screw that! He is gay as hell! Man, gay as a wet noodle!

"John would repeatedly whisper 'I love you' to your face whenever he gets the chance, even in your sleep. But I guess you were too blinded by Eliza to see him" Laf added.

Alex gently brushed his thumb over the stuff turtles head. He got it for John's birthday, Alexander learned sewing just so he could sew this and give it to the freckled boy.

At the corner of his eyes, he saw John. Not in the flesh John, the ghost John. He stood there behind Lafayette, smiling at him. Alexander glanced at Laf to see it he could feel John behind him, but he showed no sign of it.

"But we're a million worlds apart and I don't know how I would even start" John was now kneeling in front of him, hands on his cheeks, it felt cold but Alex didn't mind. He liked it. John's hand resting on his cheek, he felt nice.

Alexander let the tears he was holding back stream down seeing John slowly fade away. Alexander stared into nothing as the freckled boy faded away completely. Shuting his eyes to hopefully stop the tears, but to no avail.

"Mon ami.... How long have you been wearing John's necklace?" Lafayette asked confused. He and Herc had been with Alex for almost an hour be this is the first time they saw him wearing John's turtle necklace.

Alexander did not bother answering his French friend, instead he placed a hand on it whispering but loud enough for the other two to hear. "If I could tell him."

A/N: If any of you are wondering how John died....... Imma make a story about his death! Stay tuned!