Shadows p.o.v
Why did I let her go with Alec? I should be the one looking after her, making her laugh, not him. Yes, he is my best friend but he has everything so fucking perfect already.
I guess its my fault she's not here with me now though. I pushed her away. I ruined my one chance of a friendship with her.
Clutching at my hair, I pace up and down by the door. Where are they? I didn't mean to snap at River, I could never hurt her. Ever! I just.... Shit, I just had a bad moment.
I swivel round to face the door when I hear the key turn. Jesus why I am so jittery?
I see River smiling broadly at Alec but as soon as she sees me her face drops. What made her so happy with Alec that I can't give her?
"Hello Shadow." She says quietly, almost like she is scared. I don't want to scare her away. I don't want her to leave.
She links her arm around Alec's and pulls him into the kitchen. When did they get all 'best buddy' like? I guess I should if known this would happen when I introduced her to Alec. Why would she choose me, the messed up, bad boy when she could have the kind, perfect Alec?
Whoa Shadow. Starting to sound jealous.
I think I am. Possibly.
I follow them into the kitchen and see her sitting on a breakfast stool whilst Alec grabs them a drink.
"Want one?" He says casually, ignoring the silent tension in the room. I shake my head though my throat is dry.
"Where did you guys go?" I enquire, directing my question to River. I want to know what they did and where they went. I want to know if anything happened.
"We went to that rainbow cafe, the one in the middle of Long Lane?"
"Yes, I know where it is!" I snap. "And I wasn't talking to you!"
I see River flinch at my raised tone and instantly regret it. Why must I always say the wrong thing and do the wrong thing.
"Calm down Shadow! Geez!" He is really starting to piss me off with the way he is never angry and never really puts up a fight.
"What were you doing there?" I ask again.
"Someone looks green with jel-ous-y!" I whip round and see Will. "Just saying?" He grabs an apple and walks out the room again. Cocky son of a bitch.
"You want ice?" Alec asks River.
"Yes please." She is practically whispering now, I can hardly hear her.
"Okay, its in the freezer in the garage so I'll go grab it"
He walks out the door. Leaving us alone. Me and River alone. I turn to face her.
"River I..."
"Don't you dare apologise." She cuts me off suddenly. "It's not your fault. I just can't... I need to leave."
She stands up and walks towards the door. Thinking quickly, I grab her arm but she cowers away from me, coiling up.
"Please River, I didn't mean what I said, I didn't want to shout at you."
"Then why did you?" She says. Then she looks up at me with those beautiful eyes. I can't lie to her.
"I get angry sometimes. Very angry for no reason at all. I don't know why, it just happens and I.... snap"
"Have you ever hurt anyone?" She says in that soft innocent voice of hers.
I bow my head down low. I am not proud of what I am about to say. I never will be.
"Yes."
She nods silently, pulls away from me and walks away. And I let her. River makes me feel.... different. But I still can't stop her walking away.
And it is crushing my soul.
