Hamilton Fanart Book!

Lost

Y'all better prepare for a lot of venting...

I'm so lost, like i don't even fucking know what I'm even doing half the time. Sometimes when I'm writing, I'll just stop out of pure boredom, other times I'll just delete everything and start over. Why can't life be that way? Just delete everything and start over? I mean it's not like the world would care if one out of billions just erased themselves, right? Like, fuck why is life so complicated? One minute I'm happy, the next I want to fucking curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. Fuck, I don't think I can do it anymore. I just want to see him again, I want to see him in Heaven. I just need to talk to him one more time. Is that too much to ask? For those of you who don't know who I'm talking about, in 2016 my cousin was hit by a car 2 fucking days after my fucking birthday. Birthdays are supposed to be filled with fun, and laughter, not tears and broken memories. I'm just falling apart and I just don't know what to do anymore. I attempted twice that year, I've been okay ever since. Now, it's back the depression, I think it's back. No one really needs me, I've always been that background kind of girl anyway. No one would notice, would they? I don't know, and I'm not willing to find out. I don't think I even have the guts to do it anymore, I think I'm just a scared little girl who can't get what she wants. I'm tired of being in the closet and not being able to express who I am. I'm just lost.

I'm sorry for the ranting, it probably won't happen again. Now I'll just go back to listening to my mom whisper shit about me to other people.