withering love ❀ l.ty

+ six

dear diary,

i still feel like i'm fading away.

maybe...

i don't have that much time left.

the other day when my mother told me her story,

she advised me to get the surgery.

but i don't want to lose my feelings for taeyong.

he's my everything.

my reason to live.

i don't know what i'll do without him.

however, even he's turned his back on me.

i tried to approach him today.

he was at least willing to let me talk to him at first.

but when he heard me say "i'm in love with you,"

he flared up in anger.

he cursed at me.

"why the fuck would you confess to me when you know i have a girlfriend? do you seriously think i would fucking date you and cheat on heeyeon? you won't be able to take me from her. i love her and no one else. get out of here before i slap you on the face."

tears streamed down my face uncontrollably.

i turned and ran away.

i heard other people who i guess saw the entire thing.

in the corridors, even on the streets.

"that bitchy slut. taeyong oppa was so right to ditch her. she doesn't deserve to be in this world, let alone talk to a god like him."

"i hope minslut dies and is forgotten forever. that whore."

i ran and ran.

back to the only place i knew i was safe at.

home.

sweet home.

as i rushed back, i felt the tingling feeling in my throat again.

only this time, it stung. bad.

i kept coughing and coughing.

tears continued to flow out of my now red, puffy and swollen eyes.

i managed to get to the toilet before i spit out all the petals.

so beautiful,

yet so toxic.

i cried and cried.

my mother came home and saw the state i was in.

her eyes watered as she held me tightly in her arms.

oh, how i wish taeyong would hug me like that.

she gently wiped away my tears, whispering soothing words beside my ear.

at least i'm safe for now.

because all that matters is that my mother loves me and supports me.

how thankful am i to her.

maybe if i went for the surgery, losing my memories will make me a stronger person and fight back.

right?