withering love ❀ l.ty

+ four

dear diary,

it was another day of torture.

it has been a full month since i hung out with taeyong. 31 days.

and guess what?

taeyong has become one of them. heeyeon's minions, followers, whatever you'd like to call them.

he never looks at me the same way he usually does anymore. long gone are those warm and soft eyes. he doesn't even smile or wave at me like he used to when he sees me.

what he does now is ignore me.

whenever he meets my pleading, perhaps pathetic gaze, his eyes become stone-cold. my heart breaks into pieces whenever this happens.

it seems that heeyeon has been feeding him a ton of lies.

about me.

he doesn't even bother to help me when he sees me getting bullied, or apologise when he accidentally bumps into me.

he's changed.

no longer the sweet, caring and considerate taeyong that i once knew.

and i spend every night curled up in bed, with tears rolling down my cheeks,

while trying to suppress that feeling of nausea. as beautiful as petals were, i never wanted to see one again.

but what can i expect?

taeyong never loved me from the beginning, so of course i ended up, vomiting even more petals than usual because of taeyong's icy treatment towards me now.

i hate heeyeon.

i hate how taeyong was brainwashed by heeyeon.

i hate the icy and cold looks and glares taeyong was sending me.

i hate the feeling of acid burning in my throat.

i hate running to the toilet during class in a rush, with people snickering behind me.

i hate vomiting.

all those petals.

but i was never going to have the surgery.

never.

i love taeyong, and that was a fact.

there was no way i would be getting rid of my feelings for him through that surgery.

if that was ever going to happen, it'll probably be in my dreams.