Legion of Lawndale Heroes v1

8.1 - Ill Wind

"Laugh all you want, my brown-haired ingenue, but I detect a buzz and a hubbub that heretofore has been absent from your typical hurricane warnings. This has not been the best year for hurricanes."

"I thought 1993 was a great year for hurricanes," said Jane. "Such a rich taste. The grapes were really good that year. But it takes a lot of stomping to get thick, creamy, delicious hurricane juice."

"Scoff all you want to, but -- !"

"--you know what I don't miss?" interrupted Daria. "CNN. Fox News. All that garbage that called itself 'television news'. Blogs. Opinionated bloviators. Now put a windsock in it, Upchuck, before I unplug your terminal."

Upchuck put a winsock in it. He knew when he was licked.

(* * *)

That afternoon, Daria and Jane showed up for their combat training. They dreaded it, and they always had dreaded it. Both were thinking about finding something, anything else to learn the next time the opportunity presented itself, anything other than combat. The Marine had made Daria continue to work out, through the broken nose and everything, even when Daria's face looked like a grape and her nostrils were packed with bloody cotton. Jane knew he would have been as 'merciful' if it were her nose that had been broken.

"How do you feel?" asked Jane, making conversation.

"At least I can breathe," said Daria. "No nasal pain. Not for a week. The only good thing that came out of this is that I learned how to breathe." Daria referred to the yogic breathing that the Marine had taught them -- with no nose, so to speak, Daria had the choice to either learn breath control or suffocate. 

"So why are you still wearing the face guard?" Jane referred to Daria's plexiglass face protector.

"I like it," said Daria. "Makes me feel like I'm wearing a helmet."

"So where is 'Morpheus', anyway? Shouldn't he be here by now?" said Jane.

"Yeah. My internal clock just went off. He's late."

"So now what?" asked Jane.

"This might be some sort of dumbass test. To see how we can do without him. Combat stretch. Practice our katas. Put the pads on and go full contact."

The Marine never showed up. Jane and Daria worked themselves harder than if he had been there to watch them.

(* * *)

When Daria and Jane arrived with the others at the mess tent, Upchuck was ten minutes late. It became fodder for conversation, as Sandi remarked about how great it was to have a few minutes without "that perv" sitting at the table with them.

Upchuck arrived, hyperactive as a live wire. "Lad-iEEES! You'll never guess what the Chuckmeister has heard!"