Rain | Harry Styles

6.5

From that night outside the bar to the day after when I had talked her into ditching school with me for the very first time, and then repeated it in the days to follow, taking her to my favourite diner, and then to my precious bookstore - slowly but surely, and slightly reluctantly opening up to her piece-by-piece. Not disregarding all of the problems with Sadie, though - her jealousy becoming more and more evident, and then I would tell Ana the truth about her.

I told her about Caleb. The guy I had been to hell and back with, and the guy I'd considered to be my brother for years. I let her know the truth about the people she thought she could trust, and though it had hurt to watch her hurt - it needed to be done, and it left just her and I. Not that I was complaining.

And then she met Tiff and Tasha - instantly not taking a liking to Tiff, just like me, (that's my girl, eh?), but just as quickly clicking with Tasha. And there she found her best friend, an annoying bitch I often considered kicking the shit out of, but at the end of the day, I loved her like the sibling I didn't fucking want.

How could I forget the day Ana had come running to my house in a flood of tears? Sobbing about the fact Louis had fed her what I wish could be counted as lies about my past. She'd never believed that could've been me - but it was. There was no denying I was an awful, awful person before I knew her, and it was that very day, when she'd been desperate to deny my past  that I'd realised how very much I needed her, and couldn't be without her. That had been a realisation I'd been desperate to push away; I didn't want to need her. I didn't want to need anybody, and I had never wanted to be better. But she'd already bettered me, and all I could see was things improving even further.

And then I fucked up. Completely, and entirely fucked it. After making original amends with Ana, and finally beginning to ascend on a path with her I'd been looking towards - I ruined it all. After a talk with Louis, I'd drank more than I had since I was about sixteen, and I'd got higher than a fucking kite - not my proudest moment, and that's putting it lightly.

So I woke up. Not only physically, but mentally, too. I woke up beside a girl I didn't recognise, and could only see the girl I wanted's face in my mind. That was when I realised this wasn't the life I wanted, and though I could never fully take back the hurt I'd inflicted on Ana that night - I could apologise and plead. I could let her know how much I regretted what I'd done, and how much I needed to be with her.

I often wondered how she forgave me for that night. The idea of seeing Ana with somebody else was enough to make my eyes sting and my jaw clench, but she had forgiven me - with work, of course - but now she saw how much I truly loved her. I was broken without that girl, and I needed her more than anything. Somehow we patched it over, and that's when I began to know what true happiness felt like.

Ana Levin, in a matter of months, had changed me for the better. She had discovered this part of me nobody else had, and showed me who I could be - with her. And then had come New Year's - a night I didn't know could determine so much. 

She'd told me she loved me. The girl who I would never, ever deserve, but was so hopelessly in love with told me she was in love with me, too.

And I'd say I fucked her, but Ana always hit me when I called it that. And in all fairness - it was more than that - I was with Ana more intimately than I'd been with anyone, with more love than I could've ever given to anybody. We'd ignited a flame nobody dared to put out, but of course, the bliss was short-lived.

We were caught by her bitch of a mum - a bitch. That's all I could say; a bitch. She ruined everything, called Ana unspeakable things that made my skin crawl to this day. 

And then my world flipped. I'd gone home, to discover I wouldn't be going back. We were going back to Manchester, and we were going to be thousands of miles from the one girl I'd ever loved; telling her goodbye was more painful than ever, but I'd had to do it. I'd had to end things, for not only her sanity, but mine too.