Find Her, Keep Her (CFTM Sequel)

Chapter 45 (Part 2)

I'm behind her in half a second, but take my time zipping up the back of the outfit she's got on. I lower my lips and start carefully kissing my way up her neck until she stops me. We've been doing a lot of that lately.

Stopping.

Backing off from the kind of physicality we had with each other the night we got back together. She's been different. Every time I've tried to be with her, she's distant. Cautious.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong, or what it is I did, but we haven't been together-together since Sunset Rec. Don't get me wrong, I'd wait as long as she needed me to. I just wish she'd tell me what she's afraid of--especially if it's me.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

Jersey turns around and wraps her arms around my waist until we're flush against each other.

"Elias, it's--not anything you're doing. It's me, I'm just too much in my head lately, you know?"

I kiss the top of her forehead and nuzzle my nose in her hair.

"Do you wanna talk about it? It's not fun being in your head all alone. Trust me."

"It's not fun being alone at all. But I'll get over it on my own. I promise."

I don't want her to have to promise me that. I wanna help her, but I can't if she won't let me.

"Alright, but you know where I am if you need me. In your bed. Every night. Waiting with open arms. Lying beside you, here in the dark--"

I start swaying Jersey back and forth until she slips into the kind of laugh I've been missing.

"You are a terrible singer."

"Really? I thought that was pretty good. Broadway here I come."

"Maybe the street corner on broadway, but never the stage. Sorry to bust your balls, E, but I don't think that dream's gonna happen."

"Bust 'em all you want. You've already burned 'em. They're yours to do whatever you want with anyway."

She leans her head against my chest and the warmth of her skin sinks into mine. We stand there holding each other for a little while before she speaks up again.

"Thank you--"

"For what? My balls? No problem. I'm glad they make you happy."

"No, for not giving up on yourself--or on me. Thanks for coming back."

I take a second to let her words settle in and do my best not to grab her and kiss her the way I want to.

"I'd do it again, you know. The bad nights at rehab. The fights with Tanner. Dealing with my dad. Chasing you across UCLA. I'd do it again if it meant ending up dancing in this hallway with you."

Jersey stares up at me with a skeptical smile and 8,000 little crinkles in the space between her eyes.

"Is that the Cheese monster I hear? What happened to Elias Smooth Moves King?"

"He's been shot in the heart by a Jersey girl. You're killing my game, J. I'm getting soft around you."

She untangles herself from me and gives me a one over.

"Not in the slightest, Elias. Now, go calm yourself down and change. I'm not eating Thanksgiving dinner next to a bum."

I reach out and pull her to me so fast she's struggling to catch her breath right as I catch her lips. I breathe in the moment, the softness of her surrender, and then let her go before I lose myself in everything that she is. In everything that I want us to be.