Leftover Pieces: An Anthology

A Longing (His New Muse)

 Carwyn and Jacques were not supposed to be together. That was mainly the gist of it. Relationships like theirs were not allowed, and were not supposed to exist. If they were found out, it would be a disaster for them both.

 They were able to hide their romance under the guise of business partners and good friends, and no one questioned it. It had to be that people simply didn't want to believe a relationship like theirs would happen, given they weren't supposed to. Those were the kind of people they enjoyed laughing at behind their backs.

 After the whole affair with Erik, Jacques insisted that Carwyn stay with him for a little while, just until they knew there was no danger. As soon as he realized his lover could be in danger, Jacques felt the need to do whatever he could to protect him. Carwyn had pointed out that it could look suspicious if they suddenly started living together, and perhaps it did. But if anyone asked, Jacques would have come up with some sort of explanation for it.

 Jacques loved having Carwyn live under his roof. Seeing him every morning would make the morning seem a little brighter than it did before. They kept separate bedrooms, of course, not wanting to bring to much attention to themselves. None of Jacques' children seemed particularly fond of Carwyn, but they had warmed up to him a little, which made Jacques feel better. In due time, when the children were all adults with homes of their own and the two men both retired, they would move out to the countryside and lead a peaceful existence together.

 Jacques had always thought there was one thing missing, and always would think so; they couldn't be married.

 The very idea of the two men being in love would be considered outrageous, and marriage was out of the question completely. It couldn't be, not at all. But that didn't stop Jacques from imagining being able to surprise Carwyn by proposing to him, and praying to God that Carwyn would say yes.

 He knew what kind of wedding they would have, too. It would probably be a small wedding since neither had many people to invite, but they would still stand before a priest and say their vows, and be able to seal the vows they had already made to each other with marriage vows.

 "Jacques?"

 Jacques snapped his head up, coming out of his daze. Carwyn was looking at him with an expression of mild concern.

 "Is something the matter?" he asked.

 Jacques didn't want to tell Carwyn what he had been thinking about. He didn't want to upset him in any way or make him also have that sad longing, unless he already did.

 "No, not at all," he answered. "I think I may have dozed off for a moment there."

 Carwyn sighed. "You must remember to get enough sleep, you know."

 "I know, but I'm thankful to have you to remind me." He smiled. "Thank you, Carwyn."

 "For what?"

 "Just for being you, I suppose."

 Carwyn smiled. "You don't have to thank me for being me. I'll always be me."

 I'll always be me. Jacques sincerely hoped he could count on that.