positivity [s/mb i // completed]

cheese's family is gr8

"well on his way to the dad bod"

"THATS MY GOOD SHIRT"

"THATS MY GOOD HAIR"

"ohhhh, you've got anal leakage"

"come over here and get your prostate checked"

"i have no idea how old i am"

"throw a 25 inch lift on that mofo"

"he was an asshole in college"
"no, i didn't say that, i don't use those words, i SAID he's a jerk"

"my child, do you think you're a go-go dancer?"

"imma make some pudding, and just eat ALL that shit"

"it kaboodled it's kadoodle"

*kids scream MEOW*

"you were an idiot in college, you paid thousands to party, dumbass"

*kid cries because his grandma walked away*
me: "that's my level of clinginess"

"he's my kid, i'm allowed to push him down the stairs"

*little kid makes eye contact with me for the entire time we're there*

"oh shit, that's cute"

"we just call everyone aunt/uncle, even though nearly none of them are actually my aunt/uncle"

"THERE ARE TOO MANY SUDS IN THE BUBBLES"

"i'm the bubble queen, and master"

"SHOOT ME UP WITH ALL THE MEDS"

"if i was a woman having a baby, i'd walk into the hospital and say GIVE ME ALL THE EPIDURAL"

"swiss cheese in lasagna?! get outta here ashley!"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
chess whispers "his birthday was the 25th"

"i'm the most powerful harry potter, but i used to be ron weasley"

"fart transplants... true story"

*i look like i belong with the family more than her cousin, who looked ashamed*

*entire family dances to multiple songs including the chicken dance, in the middle of a field*

*family members feel victorious for remembering my name, even though quite a few have met me multiple times *

fun stuff, kids