Give Me All Your Hopeless Hearts // Frerard

March 3rd

        "Frank, you know it's not his fault," Jenna says.

        My face starts getting hot. I hate that I can never get out of this feeling and that I'm constantly on the verge of crying. I hate that I feel so miserable because of Gerard. "It doesn't matter, he's still a jerk now." Before she can argue again, I glance at her. "The way he talks to you is very different, he doesn't address you the same way he does me."

        Jenna shifts. "The way he talks to me is very eerie," she says. "He was calling me names like darling or doll or sweetheart. But he wasn't saying it endearingly. It was...he was saying it like," she starts whispering, "he sounded like a psychopath."

        "He probably is," I mutter. 

        "Frank, don't say that," Jenna says irritated at me. I glance at her unmoved. Lynn and Cody glance at the two of us worried and Jenna gets upset with me. "You know it's not his fault. You got to stop-"

        "Jenna, he pretended to forget who I was when we got there. That's been my worst fear for the last week and he was just messing with me." I shake my head and scoff at her. "I'm sorry I'm bitter but he was a lot nicer to you than he was to me."

        She stops for a moment and it falls silent. I glance down at my notebook staring back at the stupid white pages. "He doesn't want to be that way. And it hurts him more to think of you than me."

        "Bullshit," I say.

        "It's not," she snaps. Strands of her hair fall in front of her face but she ignores it. "Frank, you're really moronic to think you're obviously not the person he's closest with." I roll my eyes, leaning against the table. "Don't give me that. You need to listen to me. It's not easy, I get it but you need to understand he's been through a lot."

        "Oh, like I haven't?" I snap back at her. "Like none of us have? Our friend died and we had to go to her funeral. We had to go to school without them. I'm sorry Jenna and Cody, you two got to stay home to process everything but we were here. Lynn came to art without any of her friends. I was in history without Gerard and the stupid twats behind me gossipping about them. We've all been worried about Gerard for the last week, whether he'll even make it. I'm allowed to be upset. I'm allowed to be angry." 

        Jenna looks at me, narrowing her eyes. "Are you finished?"

        My face prickles with heat. "No," I mutter. "But what does it matter. Frank doesn't get angry. He just takes everything and accepts it without much question. That's always how I've been. I guess you wouldn't understand how I could suddenly be upset. Frank's always supposed to be chill. 

        "Don't talk to me like," Jenna says. "I'm not expecting you to be okay about everything, you're putting words in my mouth. I'm just asking you to have faith in him. You give up so quickly, you're not willing to fight for him."

        "What is there to fight? There are no monsters we need to battle with some sword. It's Gerard and he's changed now."

        "He's changed and suddenly you don't care?" she asks.

        "Of course, I care, I care too much, that's why it hurts. That's why I hate him," I say. Jenna looks at me annoyed and it falls quiet at our table. The rest of the room is rather loud and busy, everyone distracted by their own table. 

        "Was it when you and he talked alone that made things worse?" Lynn asks gently. I flicker my eyes at her and she gives me a sympathetic glance. "What did he say?"

        "What does it matter? The point is he doesn't care about me anymore."

        "And you think he wants to be like this?" Jenna scoffs. "He wants to get better."