The Diary Project (ASOUE)

12: The Terrible Person Project

Friday 7th April

Does the guilt ever stop?

Ever since I told Marlene that Klaus doesn't like her, she's been sitting alone at lunch and just generally avoiding us. And when I say avoiding, I really mean it. Like she turns the other way as soon as she sees any of us.

I didn't want this to happen. Yeah, at first I thought she was kind of annoying but I guess I could've put up with her and we might've become friends. Maybe? I don't know.

Anyway, she doesn't sit or talk with us anymore and I'm the only one who knows why. I know I should just own up and say it's my fault but I don't know how to justify what I said to her and I don't want to lose Klaus and Violet over something so stupid. I know that just makes me sound selfish but that's the least of my worries right now.

I spoke to Duncan and Violet about Marlene yesterday and they said they hadn't really noticed that she had left, which makes me feel slightly better. But Klaus was concerned and I can't help but think he might have liked her. Maybe I'll ask him about it afterwards.

-

I'm sat in class and I'm meant to be measuring things right now but I wanted to update my diary on what happened at lunch. I swear to god, if Miss Bass catches me writing in this I'm going to be so mad.

Anyway, I spoke to Klaus at lunch and it was a slightly awkward conversation. I didn't really know how to bring things up so I just asked him if he had a crush on anybody and he seemed really flustered. His entire face went red and he denied my question straight away. So, just to make sure, I brought up Marlene and he seemed a bit confused but he said he didn't like her like that.

So that makes me feel relieved.

I mean, I'm relieved that I didn't technically lie to Marlene...not relieved for any other reason you might be thinking of. Not that diaries think or anything but...it doesn't matter.

So I was enjoying my lunch, feeling relieved and trying to plan a way to make it up to Marlene when all of a sudden Carmelita sashayed past with all her little cronies and said something along the lines of: "This lunch looks disgusting, let's dump it on that loser."

And I was really annoyed because at first I assumed she meant me or Klaus, even though Klaus isn't a loser or anything I'm just guessing that Carmelita thinks he's a loser because she's horrible like that. So thinking about it now, it wouldn't have been dumped on Klaus because he's not a loser he's... great actually. He's so smart, like his knowledge is through the roof, and he knows so many random, obscure things. And his hair is nice and he's clean, which sounds really weird unless you've lived with Duncan all your life (who I'm pretty sure hasn't showered all week). But anyway, that's off topic.

I assumed I was about to get lunch tipped over my head, which wouldn't be the first time thanks to Carmelita, but instead she started walking to where Marlene was sat alone.

And I had time to get up and, I don't know, knock the tray out of Carmelita's hand or shout to Marlene to watch out or to run up and ask Carmelita to tip it over me instead. But I didn't do anything but watch.

It was like I was frozen to my seat because when it comes to Carmelita, I'm a coward. As much as I'll say that she doesn't bother me and that she's just an idiot, she really makes me nervous. I think it's because of how she treated Duncan and I when we first arrived here. She still treats us relatively badly but recently she's had more targets and I guess in that moment, I didn't want to make myself a target again.

And so Carmelita tipped her lunch over Marlene and Marlene ran out of the cafeteria crying and I felt guilty all over again.

So tomorrow I really need to apologise and be honest with her because right now I feel like a terrible person.

- Who else would it be?