The Diary Project (ASOUE)

11: The Guilt Project

Tuesday 4th April

Okay so I may have done something bad. Let me explain.

The girl, who I now know is called Marlene, had been hanging around with us for about a week now and she was seriously getting on my nerves. Her laugh was so annoying, and she laughed at everything, especially if it was something that Klaus had done or said. She has this little giggle and she uses it to fill any sort of gap in conversations that may occur and yeah it was just extremely annoying. But that's beside the point right now.

Over said week, Marlene has been sucking up to Klaus big time. She does her homework twice and gives one copy to Klaus in case he forgot to do his (which never happens because Klaus is intelligent and easily keeps on top of his homework), and she always gives him part of her lunch, even if he doesn't want it. Klaus has a peanut allergy and therefore didn't want peanuts with his lunch, but Marlene tried to force feed them to him. And at that point I thought: is she trying to kill him or something?!

Anyway, it seemed sketchy to me that Marlene had never spoken to us before and then suddenly was all over Klaus. So I originally thought that maybe Carmelita and Marlene were still friends and that Carmelita was getting Marlene to find out our secrets or something. And the first time I had that idea, I guess I just brushed it off because I didn't have any real evidence.

But then, a couple of days ago, she kept talking about the whole Diary Project. She kept insisting to show me her diary and the things she was writing in it so in the end, to get her to shut up, I agreed and she showed me a couple of pages. It wasn't anything interesting, just her briefly talking about a guy she liked but she hadn't written a name. But there was no question about it, the guy she was talking about was Bobby. That's why there was such a drama when Carmelita exposed her and that's why they're not friends anymore.

Anyway, after showing me a couple of recent diary entries, she asked to see mine. I obviously said no because first of all, this is my private space where I can share my thoughts without anyone judging me, and second of all, I had written about her and yeah...that would be awkward. So I said no and she slightly freaked out on me, saying stuff like "But I showed you mine so it's only fair that I should get to read yours too!" Um no, I didn't agree to that. Like she was the one who forced me to read hers, there's no way in hell I wanted her reading mine.

She sulked and I left a little bit after that because it was just a strange situation. And then yesterday I was thinking about it and her wanting to see my diary fit into place perfectly with my theory of her collecting information for Carmelita. The whole thing was too suspicious so I decided to confront her about it.

But when I pulled her aside, she didn't give me time to speak and instead burst out with: "You know, don't you?"

So I said yes, thinking it was about her and Carmelita conspiring, and she went out on this huge tangent about this guy. So I was confused again because she thought I had come to confront her about a guy. I stopped her and asked her what was going on. And then she dropped the bombshell, saying that she had a crush on Klaus, not Bobby (despite the rumours) and that she was embarrassed that I had figured it out.

To be honest, I don't know why I didn't figure it out. She had been all over Klaus the whole time she had been hanging out with us. I guess I had been too blinded by my crazy theory and the fact that Carmelita had guessed her crush was on Bobby had just thrown me off.

So I was standing there, not really sure what to do. But I was annoyed, I remember that. I don't know what I was annoyed about but I was annoyed. So I let her keep gushing on and on about Klaus and how much she liked him and what a good person he is but I couldn't help but feel so angry.

I don't know what came over me but as she was halfway through a statement about his perfect hair, I cut her off with : "You know he doesn't like you, right?"

And as soon as I said it I felt sick because she just stopped and looked at me with wide eyes and I knew I should apologise but it was like I was frozen. And then she nodded and burst out into tears and ran away from me.

And now I feel so awful because like why would I even say that? I don't know if Klaus likes her or not so why would I make that statement? I feel so stupid. And guilty. Because now she probably hates me and she hadn't even done anything to me that was worth me being angry with her. And now she would probably never speak to Klaus again. What if Klaus liked her and I just split up a perfectly good couple?

I actually hate myself sometimes

-Isadora the fucking idiot