nikki misery : save myself from me

Red (In My) Head

This chapter may contain disturbing or triggering content. Do not read ahead if you don't like that stuff. 

[Nikki's POV]

We walked back to the bus after I apologized to Ash. She seemed a little overwhelmed as it is. I hope she's okay, maybe it's just the whole heat and performing then hanging out with The Undead. I feel like an ass. 

"Haaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!" Steven greeted us as we entered the bus. He was sitting down on one of the couches, his arm was around Nick. Nick looked so happy. Ashley went over to August, suddenly smiling. Tyler and Jeremy were with Austin. This band are the best thing to come out of this Warped Tour. And people are scared of them. 

Riot seemed happy enough, she was smiling, and that was adorable. What? Nikki you CANNOT have feelings for this girl! Why not?! I don't know, but you can't! Whyyyyy? Her mother is COURTNEY LOVE, aNd sHe hASN't eVEN spokEN tO yOU- yet. Niiiikkkkkkkiiiiiii. I don't need you!

Somebody said something but I didn't hear them and I wasn't sure who said it. "Hmm?" "I asked you were you okay!" Nick said. "OHHh yeah i'm good dude." He nodded with a confused expression on his face. "You, Riot?" She nodded.

"Sooooooooooooooooooo....... Riot, your mom stopped by a while ago." Steven said. She raised an eyebrow. "She left something for you," We all looked at him, confused. Then I realized, Anthony wasn't in the room. "Or someone, should I say.." Then one of the doors opened and in came Anthony, with a black and brown Labrador. Riot squealed, excitedly. He was trying to hold the dog on a leash, but it kept trying to get loose. "Snickers, I swear to fuck!" He said to the dog. Then he accidentally let the leash go. 

The dog came running toward Riot and I. What??  The dog, Snickers I guess, jumped up on Riot and knocked her over. She was giggling and pet the dog down, that was sitting on top of her. What the actual-

"Awwww!!!!!" Ash and August squealed. "Girls.." I mumbled. "OMG!" Nick shouted. "My statement stays the same."

"Call me a girl again and I'll slit your throat then shit down it." August threatened me. I raised my arms in surrender and sat down beside Anthony. "These past few days have been so weird, haven't they?" He said, and a chorus of 'yeah's and nods followed. 

"Movie?" Tyler suggested. "FUCK YEAH!" Most people shouted. "What movie?" Anthony asked as he helped Riot up. August got up and looked at a sheet that was up on the wall beside the wall. "Well, it says it's Riot's time to pick, do you wanna pick Riot?" She said. She nodded and went over to their dvd collection, which was very big might I add, to pick out a movie. She took less than two minutes to do so. She held up the Sweeny Todd dvd, with an expression that said, 'This one?'. "Oooooh!" Ash said, looking at the dvd. So they put on the movie and we watched the gory musical, starring Johnny Depp. He is such a handsome man. I thought as the opening song, There's No Place Like London, played. 

After the movie, Ashley suggested going out for a drink or two. Everyone, but Riot, said sure, let's go. "Riot, are you not gonna come with?" I asked. She shook her head, and Steven informed me that she doesn't drink.

Bullshit, I thought. Can't do anything about it though. 

We went out to the nearest bar and everybody drank as much as they could. I wasn't really in the moment. I was thinking about Riot. Maybe I'll go back to check on her. Yeah, I'll do that. 

"Guys-" I started, but got interrupted by Nick, singing We Are Young by Fun. at the top of his lungs. I wanted to die right there and then. 

I found a way out through everyone and I was glad when I did. 

I started walking back to The Undead's bus, when I got a bad feeling about this. 

[Riot's POV] 

They left me. Rude bastards. 

I was glad though, in a sense. I wanted to cry, and punch a wall, and apologize to the wall afterward. I was drained completely. Emotionally and physically. 

So I had a think about life and cried a "little". 

Honestly, sometimes I wonder how I'm still alive although I really don't want to be. 

My dad's dead, my mental health is in shit, I have people invading my privacy, I miss my family, I'm in love with a guy that hates me, online and IRL, I don't speak, I'm suicidal, and I'm lonely. 

Holy shit I have a sad life. 

I have my friends though.. They don't care. 

But they do.. No they don't. 

They tell me they do.. They're lying. 

Alright fuck you then.. Go kill yourself. 

I fucking will how about that! Nobody will care anyways. 

You're right.. I know I am. 

"FUCK OFF!" I shouted as I argued with them, shaking my head, backed into a corner with my legs up to my chest. "WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?! WHAT DID I EVER DO BUT LIVE MY LIFE!?" My voice was hoarse and not that loud, but I couldn't help myself. They were taking over and I had to argue back. I stood up, my whole body shaking. How long was I like that? Too long. 

I trembled into the bathroom. 

Am I really going to do this?  You have no other choice. 

But I do. No you don't. 

Nikki will never love you, your friends hate you, so do your family. Just do it already, bitch. 

I guess you're right. 

I picked up the razor. Cut deep. 

So I did. 

Take pills. Your antidepressants. 

So I did. 

The whole thing. 

I lay on the floor, in immense pain, wanting this to end, in a pool of blood. I heard something. 

Somebody came onto the bus. 

"Riot?" They called out. Sounded like a male. 

The footsteps became closer sounding. Then I saw a figure standing above me. "OH MY FUCKING GOD RIOT!" 

That's when everything went black.