𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐓𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔.

twentyseven

aliyah.
one month later.

right now i was at school at my lunch period , i wore all black everyday since micahs death. i just can't get over the fact that he died , i cut myself on a daily basis now and jay doesn't know but he will find out . we are still dating and he tries to make me happy but it doesn't work , my brother is locked inside the house everyday.

right now i had on a black hoodie and the hood was over my head. i had some box braids in right now which hailey did and i had on black ripped jeans with my lowtop black air force ones. the people at school talk about me but i really don't care because they don't know what i go through , i have made one friend here and her name is mariah. she's nice and she's justins girlfriend , everyone else thinks im a weirdo.

"hey girl." said mariah coming to sit down at the table with me while people were staring at us. she looked so happy and cheerful while i looked dark and gloomy all the time.

"h-hey riah , what they had to eat?" i asked her since i didn't eat that nasty food but she did sometimes. jayden always bought me food at lunch time and he had bought me some sonic.

"some pizza , i didn't eat it though. but i got the freeze cup thingy." she said pulling it out her purse and getting the spoon and eating it. i ate my food slowly while she tore her lil freeze cup up.

"oh okay , but did you get the homework for mr.hunter?"

"sadly no , i forgot..but we go to mrs.bordelon class next right? her ugly ass." she said and i laughed a little.

"yeah we do , she annoying." i said lowly.

"hey you been alright ? and are you still cutting yourself." she asked me and i didn't say anything . her and hailey are the only ones that knew and they both wanted me to stop.

"why liyah? you need to stop , i can get you a therapist or someth-" i cut her off fast because they keep telling me about a therapist but i don't need that.

"no , im fine riah. let's go to class?" i said getting off the subject and she sighed and we stood up and walked and then i heard somebody say something to me.

"your ugly." the boy said. he was a 'bad boy' at this school and he was popular but this nigga didn't phase me.

"shut up rodrick." said riah and then we continued to walk.

************
after school.

jay was coming over today since i still didn't move in with him. i cut my wrist and then i shed a tear and then i heard knocking on the door so i hurried and put it away and put a bandaid on it. i slipped on my nike slides and went to the door. jay was standing there so i let him in.

"hey baby." he said and i smiled and hugged him.

"hey jay , what you been doing all day?" i asked him.

"nothing really , what bout you?"

"school , its been stressful. but mariah is really helpful and nice." i told him walking to the black couch i had inside. i sat down and he sat down with me so i turned on the tv and put it on sabrina the animated series.

"liyah how you get all them band aids on you?" he asked me and i got silent and put my head down.

"i hurt myself at school." i lied

"your lying , let me see your wrist." he said yanking my arm and i cried a little because it hurted. he then took off the bandaid and it showed my cuts and he sighed.

"why!? and when did this shit start?" he semi-yelled at me and i got a little scared.

"last month , i-i-im sorry jay." i said crying.

"why you doing this shit to yourself?"

"i dunno..it makes me feel better , you don't understand." i scoffed.

"yes i do understand , i been understanding you forever. but i don't want you to commit suicide because if you keep cutting yourself that's what is gonna happen eventually , please promise you'll stop baby. i don't wanna see you like this anymore , you wearing all black everyday and your cutting yourself . you look depressed , are you?" he asked me and i nodded slowly and i still had tears falling down my face.

he wiped them and then said "i love you too much for this. you need to see somebody or something because this isn't gone work. ill set you up with a therapist tomorrow , skip school for it. im worried about your health and im worried about you. have you eaten today?"

"yes i ate , the stuff you brought me."

"and that's it? you ain't eat breakfast . all you ate was that burger and that slushie and fries. that is not a meal and im pretty sure that shit ain't fill you up..you need to eat." he told me and i wiped the rest of my tears that were still falling with my hoodie.

"o-okay jayden , i don't need you worried about me all the time."

"the fuck you mean? i should be worried about you all the time. your my girlfriend , my bestfriend , my whole heart in one . if something happen to you i don't think i can forgive myself because im pretty sure that i caused it to happen."

"okay.." i said quietly and he sighed.

"im staying here today , matter fact. you need to move in with me , and when you live with me you can't be cutting yourself and shit." he said and i rolled my eyes.

"im good here by myself , you can go." i told him and he stood up quickly and then left out the house slamming the door while at it. without telling me i love you. everytime we leave from one another's place we say our i love you's and we kiss. we never argue , so today were arguing because of me. i walked back to my room and i took and hot shower for about twenty eight minutes .

i then put on my batman pajama pants and a black tank top and then i laid down in my bed i cried again. all i been doing is crying and crying. i wish i could die sometimes and be in the sky with micah because i hate my life right now and i will for the rest of my life.

micah you're causing so much pain in my life right now i wish you could be here right now and comfort me in this situation im in and its kind of your fault. does me cutting myself make you happy or something? does me being depressed make you happy? and if it does then it sure is working. i love you micah but i don't think i can do this anymore .