The Lost Dixon (CarlXreader) [DISCONTINUED]

Chapter 41

~(Y/N) P.O.V.~

Did I hear that right? He said he liked me.

I said it back.

Why the hell did I say it back?

I mean I wanted him to know, but I don't know.

Everyone just seems to die and I don't think I could lose him.

Mostly now that he knows that I like him.

I look back over to him to see that he wasn't looking at me, but he was smiling and blushing.

I can't judge because I am too.

It feels really weird to be happy when I feel like I shouldn't be.

I don't feel like I deserve to be happy. After watching Carrie die, I haven't felt like I deserve anything.

I guess it's because I feel like it's my fault.

I know she told me there was nothing I could have done. I still think I could have done something anyway.

Tell her to stay instead of going on the run, go with her, something.

I've been really distant since it happened.

Everyone is understanding about me being distant. Dad had done the same thing after mom had died.

I didn't really find out why he was distant when I was younger. I didn't know what death was then either.

I looked back over at Carl to see him watching me expectantly.

"What?" I asked, getting really nervous. Well, more nervous than I already was.

"I asked if you were okay. Honestly, and don't just say you're fine because I know you're not."

"I will be." Was all I said.

I know that I'm not really okay, I will be okay eventually though.

"I know you will be, I'm asking if you are."

"No, I'm not." I looked back at my black combat boots.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not right now. Maybe at some point."

"Okay, well it's about lunch. Want something?" He asked.

"No thank you."

"I'll bring you one of the small bags of chips."

I smiled and looked over, "Thanks."

He smiled back and walked into the prison.

I kept staring at all the walkers wondering if they are aware.

Hoping that they weren't I stood up wiping the tear streaks from my face and heading inside to grab my crossbow.

"Wanna go hunting?" I asked dad on the way to my cell.

"Sure, how long til we leave?"

"Ten minutes." I said making my way up the stairs.

"By the gate?" He asked.

"Yeah."

When I got to my cell I saw Beth playing with Alex and holding Judith.

I smiled he always seemed to be happy, despite everything that's happened.

He might not know about Carrie, but he knows about everyone else that have turned.

He knows the walkers used to be people.