"These no grief as great as denying the truth until it's too late"
I found healing in him. He filled the holes they have opened. "Close them God", I whispered in a prayer and my lord did exactly that, I was a wondering soul, giving love to people that don't deserve it but I was finding it so hard to love me. In a way you opened my eyes. You reminded me of what I have forgotten. All the love I have I forgot to show you love. I am so ashamed, you are the reason I am up right now, you are the one who created me and blessed me with everything that I have and I forgot to show you love. I am a warrior that fights on her knees. God forgive me because I've forgotten to pray. I don't talk to you as I should. I have turned into a monster. A monster that was created by the people around me. They hurt me and sometimes things don't go my way and then I get angry, and every time I change. Why do I allow myself to be changed by mortals? Situations aren't supposed to change me. People aren't supposed to change me. I should learn from these situations and become a better me. Hatred and anger should leave my heart. I should learn to forgive, God I want you to forgive me but I can't forgive others. I need to to surrender, I need to accept things as they are and I will be happy. My life is in your hands, I am not the one who controls it. I surrender to you Father.I found him. I gave him a job, the job was to make me happy. It wasn't his job. It was your job God. You are the only one that can make me happy. I was unaware of that but you found a way of showing me. I found him, he was everything I wished for. He made me smile. He made me feel warm. I fell in love. I loved harder than before. I can't have him, his not mine and I can't have him forever it's all a wish because those don't come true in real life. They only come true in movies. I am setting him free. Oh, father I have made him a hostage in my heart but it is time to set him free. I am done hunting for people to show love to. My God is here and he deserves all the love and attention. So I submit to you God, I resist the devil and he will flee. I have done a great job pretending but I am done, God knows me, he knows the old me, present me and future me. I am giving you the wheel takeover my creator. You are the author of this book I am just a character.
