Heart of A Woman

part 5

From that night I made a decision. The thing is I dont know if im stupid or just being a goody two shoes, but for the sake of my son ill try to make amend with the other woman, force them to get married and just hope that I can withstand all of this. I actually was thinking about divorce at that time but I refrain myself because I dont want my baby inside the womb affected by my negative emotion. This is one time of my life that I feel emotionally weird about myself because I can withstand this situation...lol....

So I met her, yeah...like really met her with the baby. Well she is quite pretty and smaller than me (I am still curious about my own behaviour at this time until now lol)

Time flies and the weird thing is I could accept them, maybe its because of my pregnancy hormones that calm me into another level of calmness....duhhh....Maybe I was really trying to make this family works. I dont actually know, I think its just for the sake of the baby. I even take care of the baby and eventually I fell in love with the little guy. The thing that really stressing me about this situation is the volatile relationship between Ian and Aira. Its because Aira still decide to work as a GRO to earn money due to Ian's jobless situation.

Jealous? Hmmm of course I feel that but maybe at that time I dont think that Ian is my priority anymore, I am more concern towards my pregnancy. Of course I feel so painful and crying all the time but with passing time my feelings towards Ian's harden.

One day I saw Ian's phone on the table and something telling me to look into it. I was scrolling through his messages and saw his message about selling something to someone. I was so shocked when I discovered that he is selling drugs aka amphetamine! At that time I feel so sad and angry with him. When I confront him he actually tried to denies it but I dont believe him anymore. After that Aira actually tell me about it and for the first time in my life I really feel despair. The volatile relationship between them continue and in between that they are planning for their marriage, for Aira to convert to Islam and falling helplessly in love even in front of me.

Hmmmm.....

One day when they were going to KK for baby San(their little baby) clinic session, they have an argument and Ian actually call me because he was so stressed with the situation. Apparently Aira still cannot cope up with our relationship, so I told him

Me: Maybe you should let me go so she will stay with you. As for me you can always meet me because im not going anywhere.
Ian: What! Are you asking for divorce?! Ill deal with u later.

When he arrive later that night, that is the first time he hit me....while im pregnant. Its around 12am and the house is so noisy, it is so humiliating as my mother in law actually tried to help me. She begs our neighbour to help me but they only told her that they dont want to involve in a marital problems. I still remember it he actually knock my head repeteadly on the wall.

That was the time I start to plan my divorce. I plan to get divorce right after my delivery as I really dont want to affect my unborn child with negative thoughts and emotion.