Heart of A Woman

part 1

Everytime I reminisce the sweet moment that we had, it feels like the waves that keep coming and make the trace of footsteps on the beach gone without a trace. In the beginning of our marriage, life feels so wonderful, i have this man whom i have been in love with for the past 9 years and even though the differences of way of life between us is vast. I think its started shortly after we married....the starting of broken marriage😢

"Ade why are you not pregnant yet?" Asked my husband..well what could i say?
"Well its not our rezeki yet, please be patient Ian"

The thing is who doesnt want to be pregnant right? At the 3rd year of our marriage im becoming more fat and my husband just push me and push me to do exercise and things, because he said that it's because the fact that im fat is whats causing me to not get pregnant. One of his cousin also accused me of taking family planning pills because i dont want to get pregnant.

I dont know what happen to me actually its like im falling deeper in my marriage, i feel like im sinking everyday waiting for something to happens, is it really my fault? And the more he pushed me the more i dont want to do it.. Its just that im working from Monday to Friday at a rural area and only can see him during the weekend.

In those 4 years since we are married he never even asked anything about me, how is my work? And who is my friend etc its like we morphed into a different kind of people. I think i m partly to blamed because in my mind im not doing anything to make me look beautiful. Who cares now, im a stubborn woman. Why i do that? Because i want to see if he really loves me with all his heart and not just because im pretty, i want to see if he loves me like i love him aka with all my heart that even though im following him to live at a PPRT house own by his mother i dont care because i sincerely love him as he is.