Undress. We need to talk (Otayuri AU)

Chapter 6: The coldness of St. Petersburg

And here they were again... in the same bed... Between the same sheets... In the same room they used to have meaningless sex in the fading light of the burning candles in the room, those candles giving the room a rather romantic vibe, but the actions taking place there being nothing near it. But tonight... Tonight the two of them made love... Not meaningless sex, but sweet love coming from the heart and filling every inch of their skin. That feeling couldn't be better. That's why Yuri was surprised to find a letter glued to their bedroom door, finding himself all alone in the matrimonial bed.

"Morning, my love...
So, after last night, I came to a conclusion. You were completely right. I have damaged you more than I thought and more than I have originally intended. Therefore, out of shame, I can no longer look you in the eye the same way ever again. Or at all. I can't stand all the damage that I have caused. Which is why I hope you understand... It is the move of a coward, I know... But please forgive me... I can't come back home... Not now... Not after everything I've done... I will be staying with Georgi until I find my own place to live in so please don't worry about me. Please, Yura... Find yourself someone to love you and protect you the way you truly deserve... Cause someone isn't me, it would seem... Find happiness and try to live your life in constant joy... Goodbye, my love... Until we meet again....
                                             Otabek"

Every word that he was reading off that paper brought tears to his eyes, the pain cascading down his body like an avalanche of shame, leaving him defeated and humiliated, his body crumbling down and the floor beneath him slowly sinking him into it. How could he...? After everything that they've been through... After all his attempts to keep him there... He was leaving, anyway... What did he expect, really? For everything to go back to normal? For Otabek to suddenly love him again? For his lover to finally open his eyes? He had absolutely no idea what he was expecting from him, but what he did know was that all this was about to crash him... If it is real, that is... That's right, Otabek never left for more than two nights, he was rather attached to their home, he couldn't possibly be moving out like this, he just couldn't... With tears in his eyes, the teenager dropped to his knees, hugging the letter to his chest as he whispered softly "He'll come back, he'll come back..." Over and over again like a mantra he created for himself, a safety blanket to keep him safe from the cruel reality, to protect him from what he feared the most all this time.

"He hates me, Otabek... He hates me..." The teenager leaned his head on the tan man's shoulder as he sobbed softly into the material of the vintage scarf that his friend was wearing. God, it smelled like cologne... The scent was strong... The smell of power... Confidence... Something Yuri certainly didn't have anymore after the previous events that just occurred... He unconsciously started to cling onto the other man's jacket, his crying louder than before. God, what did he do to deserve this...? "Calm down, Yura... I'm sure he doesn't hate you..." The Kazakh said, trying his hardest to assure his friend, the way he always did, the way he always managed to bring some joy to this rather lonely boy, to this all so troubled teen who was always coming crawling back to him. "Listen, you said he didn't say anything, did he...? Why would you be so worried if he didn't even reply to what you said?" The Kazakh said to the Russian fairy, looking into those big, red and puffy eyes that he fell in love with a long time ago. Oh God, he hated himself for doing this... Was he taking advantage of his broken heart...? He hoped he didn't... "I know grandpa... He probably hates me... We're a traditional Russian family, do you think he would accept a gay grandson just like that, especially knowing that most of us are locked up in concentration camps...?" The blond found himself sobbing hysterically at the thought. God, what was he thinking...? Coming out as gay like that... And to his grandpa, the person raising him, the person he loved the most, the person he was all so scared to lose... What if he didn't have any shelter to return to now? What if everything was lost? What if his grandpa won't ever see him the same again? He clenched into the leather material, feeling his face heating up from the all so warm tears that were running down hia face. Such a shame that such tender moments had to be wasted on such sorrowful thoughts and feelings, on such grief upon the thought of losing the one and only person to ever take care of him and raise him with love and care. "I-it hurts..." the Russian boy said, while his sobs were slowly turning into cries of pain, having the Kazakh caressing his hair in an attempt to calm him down. And that is when he heard the powerful yet smooth, deep voice of his companion speaking all so suddenly "Don't worry, Yuri... No one is ever going to hurt you again do you hear me? I'll be there and I'll cover you I will stay by your side no matter what!" his words took the Russian by surprise and of course, the thought of his best friend saying something like this, after all that happened, it was slightly unreal to him... After all, he was kind of the reason he came out in the first place... He knew that his feelings for Otabek weren't just the ones of platonic friendship, but something else, a bond he has never felt before, something he has been looking for for a while now... And for the Kazakh to say something like that at a time like this... It was confusing to him... "Yura... Please be mine to keep... And I promise you will never get hurt again. I love you, Yura." the tanner man said as he watched the tray of tears on the boy's face glittering under the faded light of the lanterns and seeing himself reflected into his emerald green eyes, his heartbeat going insane, like anyone would expect after a confession like this. He let out such a relieved sigh when he felt the boy's clench tighening onto his jacket while his ears picked up a fainted "Ok..."

A day past by, and then two, and then three, the week finished, and then a new one started, and then another weel after that, and as time flew by, a month managed to pass with Otabek not saying one word to Yuri, not coming home, without even giving any signs of life, not to mention an excuse for his poor, poor decisions in life. And at this point, Yuri felt like he was going insane... What was he supposed to do now? He thought it'll pass, he thought everything was fixed, he thought the spark was back, he thought everything was going back to normal... But that wasn't the case, it would seem... He couldn't take it anymore, he just couldn't... That was it, he had to talk to him, he had to. So, as a drop of courage fell over him through that thin air that he was breathing, he grabbed his denim jacket and ran out the door, sprinting through the streets of St. Petersburg, his heart racing like crazy and his hopes up to the clouds.

He finally arrived on the street on which he knew his rink mate lived, in hopes that he could find him home, and if lucky, find his own lover there as well. But just as he was taking a breath to stabilize his heartbeat, he heard the familiar sound of a motorcycle pulling over on the driveway, and, as he expected the familiar leather jacket and undercut has been getting off the vehicle, a puzzled, surprised and terrified look on his face. "Yuri...? What are you doing here...?" The Kazakh asked with an audible gulp. "I came to take you home." Yuri said firmly, looking into the other's miserable and scared eyes that soon swifted down to the ground. "I thought I told you... I can't come back... It wouldn't be fair to you... Or to Mila... Or to anyone... I've caused more damage than I originally intended... I am not worth-" he was soon caught off by a yell coming from the blond Russian beauty who seemed to have lost his patience a long time ago. "Don't you think I know that?!?" He yelled in anger. "I am fully aware of the shit you've done! I am fully aware that I should've dumped your ass the moment I saw you with her! I am fully aware that I have been a fool all this time! But guess what, dumbass! I love you!" He screamed with heavy and sorrowful tears rolling down his cheeks as his jaw clenched slightly. "You think I would've slept with you if I didn't want you back? You think I would've suffered all those silent nights if I could've just dumped you and found someone else? You think I would've come all the way here if I thought our love is lost!? You can bet your ass I wouldn't have! I am here because I do love you, because I did build my future for two, because I do want you next to me, because I do believe that there is hope and I do believe our love has not burned out!" For a second he had to take a deep breath to calm himself down, his voice suddenly softening as he talked. "Please... I don't want all my efforts to be for nothing..." He said before he suddenly felt a pair of lips smashing against his own, his heart skipping a beat as he once again felt that familiar, warm, welcoming feeling coming from his lover, the Kazakh cupping his cheeks with his big hands, his fingers slightly running through his hair softly and comfortingly, it was a feeling that Yuri haven't felt for quite some time. When they parted, for the first time that night, Otabek looked into the boy's eyes, and with a sincere voice he said "Let's go home.", a smile creeping on his face as the Russian boy wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tightly, feeling safe yet once again in this man's arms, into the coldness of St. Petersburg.