Surfacing

Chapter 7

( 2 years later)

''Oh my God!'' Rachel squealed making me wince. '' I can't believe this is happening!'' ''Rachel...'' I started only to be cut off by my two children. ''Mum I love it! Oh my gosh my room is huge!!'' screamed Leanne. I smiled thinking of how much she's grown in the past two years, Thomas too.  At the moment he's bouncing on the balls of his feet itching to go exploring again. We just moved house, a town over from where we used to be. I didn't want to move too far but just away from the house and area we lived in. Too much bad energy, memories I wanted left behind, never to be reminded of again. I know I can't erase them but at least I don't have to be surrounded by them anymore.

I'm still in therapy, a work in progress, but, I'm happy. I can honestly say I'm happy. That's mainly the reason Rachel squealed at me. It's the first time I've seen her in a month since she took up a new job that has her travelling alot.....not to mention a man she bagged on one of those travels! She's so very happy and I think she's happier for me than for herself. She truly is my rock, I would never have gotten through this if she hadn't of made me see things clearly enough to get help.

''Sarah'' I turned to see James coming toward me with a smile. ''Hi...'' cut off by him pulling me into his arms and kissing me, I melted into him and sighed as his lips left mine. ''honey.'' I finished as he laughed a little and kissed my cheek before letting me go. My marriage is back on track. The therapist recommended marriage counselling on the side as we had such ''potential'' as she put it. I truly feel content in this moment. my life seems to be coming together nicely for the first time in a long time.

Frowning I thought back on all my problems and hoped to God that I wouldn't be pulled under again. It's always there you see, under the surface. It's like it's waiting for a vulnerable moment just so it could pull me under the surface again. Down to that dreaded blackness, that cave deep under water, drowning me slowly over time until my last breath. Laughing at me as it tortured me, stopping me from living my life turning me in on myself until all that was left was a shell. I can't go back there, I have to fight.

''Sarah?'' I was startled out of my dark thoughts by James smoothing out my frown. ''Where did you go love?'' I smiled and calmed my breathing, only realising now that it was erratic and they were all looking at me worried. ''I'm so sorry, I got lost in thought.'' Putting a smile on my face, I moved out of his arms before turning to the children and telling them to go unpack. They did so, although slightly less enthusiastically as before but I knew they'd be fine once they started. ''Sarah are you okay?''

Rachel put her arm around me and turned me to her, James following us as she led me to a chair. I didn't even realise we had been walking! ''I'm sorry, I zoned out and started worrying......'' ''Honey, it's a process, you're doing great. Keep that good energy and push out the bad, deep breaths and don't let your mind wander too far'' Rachel always worried I'd go back, so did I.

James knelt before me, holding my hands. ''Love, you're so brave facing it all and rising above it, fighting it. I'm so relieved that we've come so far from the brink. I can't imagine life without you. Just keep it up and we'll always be here to help you, to make you happy, like you make us happy.'' I smiled, a real smile this time. ''I love you James'' He reached up to kiss me quickly '' I love you too baby.''

I looked to Rachel who looked like she might cry so I reached over to hug her. She's so strong, to see her with tears in her eyes would shock anyone that knew her. ''Please don't Rach...'' ''I'm sorry Sarah, it's just, God I'm so happy for you guys that the thought of anything going wrong at this point kills me!'' She sniffed and roughly wiped her eyes before exclaiming ''Right enough of this, I'm getting soft since I met Darren and that's not good for my image!''

I laughed which I'm guessing was her intention as her eyes lit up as she smiled back at me. We hugged again before standing together and I knew that with their love and support I could get through this. ''Let's get this place into shape and settle in.'' James nodded and agreed with me as we all set about picking up boxes and bags and unpacking. Time to stop dwelling on the past and live for the future....were the words I kept repeating to myself as I unpacked, fervently wishing that I could see this through and come out the brighter side. I was coming to realise that if I didn't try to do it alone, I would be okay.

Okay......I'm not sure if the next chapter will be an epilogue or the final chapter. I have some stuff to work out with what I want to happen so I'll try to sort through it over the next few days before writing anything. I hope this chapter reaches the level of feeling I'm going for but knowing me if I feel at all unhappy with it I will edit it until it can't be edited anymore lol! All opinions good or bad gratefully received as everyone's opinions will vary and I respect that. Thanks for reading and hope to upload within the next week :-)

Chaz xx