Cracking the Zarry Code - how Deep is real.

Fess up, Kat

I have a confession: I kind of abandoned Zarry after Zayn left the band and I'd got it out of my system by writing Deep. This is why the sequel to Deep never got finished. I was so upset; and I had little interest in 1D without new Zarry to watch. So I didn't listen to much of Made in the AM.

That was my first mistake.

I followed Zayn's solo career because I loved the music he was making much more than 1D and more than Harry's, when it eventually came out. But I didn't "cyberstalk" him, like I had before. Without a regular zarry fix I was only really interested in the music. And Zayn's music I loved. I knew most of Zayn's lyrics were intense – searing and honest. But - at the time – some of the lyrics seemed a bit juvenile, some too gangsta for me and some just incomprehensible.

I should make it clear that I'm not shocked by explicit content: I love the Weeknd, Nicki Minaj, Chris Brown etc. It wasn't anything like that that bothered me. I think for me the central problem was that I thought Zayn was (mainly) singing about women. And in that context some of the lyrics sounded a bit sexist – something I didn't really expect from Zayn. The lyrics of Pillowtalk and TiO, for example. But I was prepared to overlook it because I liked the music.

I wasn't sure who Zayn was singing about in each song – I thought some of the words maybe were about Harry – but I honestly didn't think Zayn would sing about feelings for a man and certainly not about Zarry if anything had happened between them. None of that mattered to me: the incredible vocals and beautiful music made up for it.

What I didn't know was that I wasn't really listening.

That was my second mistake.