Standing Together

Chapter 20

But then the neighbors launch off another firework, and Castiel jumps.

"You're okay," Dean whispers. "You're going to be okay. The fireworks are gonna stop soon, I promise, okay, sweetie? You're okay."

Castiel snuffles and wipes the tears from his eyes. But again, when he hears the next firework, he jumps, squeezing Dean a little tighter.

"Shh, you're okay," Dean whispers. "Hey, what if we turn on some music? Maybe it'll block out the noise. How does that sound?"

Castiel hums, a noise of indifference.

"Okay, hold on," Dean says, pulling out his phone. "I just downloaded Spotify a few weeks ago and I still have no idea how to use it, but I did figure out how to shuffle the songs by one artist, so, Zeppelin?"

Castiel just shakes his head.

"Bon Jovi?" Dean tries again, likely remembering how Castiel's always called him his favorite.

But Castiel just shrugs.

"Alrighty, hold on," Dean says, giving his phone his full attention for a few minutes, until suddenly...

"Carry on my wayward son!"

Castiel smiles slightly. Kansas. He can deal with Kansas.

~~

"I think that's the last of them for tonight," Dean says, turning the music off. "I don't think we'll be able to get away from them tomorrow, what with being Steve Rogers Day and all, but maybe after that, we can go somewhere else for a few days, get away from the fireworks?"

Castiel doesn't even register that Dean just called the Fourth of July "Steve Rogers Day." He's going to have to deal with the fireworks tomorrow? And then the next day? And the next one? And the next?

"Cas?" Dean waves a hand in front of his face, snapping himself out if his trance. "You okay?"

Castiel nods. "Yeah, yeah, I'm good."

"So, want to go somewhere after tomorrow?" Dean asks again. "Maybe we can find somewhere quiet for a few days, without the fireworks. We can just go drive around a little bit. Maybe we could go for a hike; just go hang out. How does that sound?"

Castiel would love to get away from the fireworks more than anything else. He just can't deal with it. But he doesn't want to drag Dean away for days just because he's so sensitive to loud noises. It's not fair to him. Castiel will just suck it up. It's not that hard.

"No," Castiel says finally. "No, I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" Dean asks.

Castiel just nods.

"Alright," Dean says skeptically. "Well, come on. I bought ice cream. Let's go eat it."

"I'm not hungry," Castiel mutters.

"What are you talking about? Everyone's always hungry for ice cream," Dean says.

"Not now."

"Come on, Cas," Dean insists. "You just had a panic attack. You have to eat."

Castiel cocks his head in confusion. "What?"

"That's what the internet says," Dean says.

"Again, what?" Castiel asks. "When did you google it?"

"Remember at Disney World, when you got off that rollercoaster and you were shaking and we didn't know if that was a panic attack?"

Castiel raises an eyebrow. "You looked it up all the way back then? Before I had actually had a real panic attack?"

Dean shrugs. "It doesn't hurt to be prepared."

Castiel can't help but smile at that. He really googled it when there was clearly nothing to worry about at the time? That's kind of sweet.

"Now come on. Let's go eat ice cream," Dean insists.

Castiel sighs. "Alright."

He follows his fiancé to the kitchen, where Dean pushes him down gently into a seat at the table. Castiel watches him open the freezer, where he sees five different containers of Castiel's ice cream cream, as well as two much larger tubs of Dean's. Dean hands Castiel his small pint of it with a spoon, then takes out his own, not bothering with a bowl.

Dean holds up his run of ice cream. "Cheers."

Castiel chuckles and does the same. He taps his ice cream with his spoon, and it doesn't seem to be too solid. Castiel scoops out a little bit and nibbles on it, letting it melt on his tongue. His stomach growls, but he just can't bring himself to eat.

Dean's oblivious, chowing down on his ice cream like he's only got two more minutes to live.

"You know," he says, mouth full of ice cream, "your birthday's only a couple weeks away."

"That's true," Castiel says, not sure where he's going with this.

"What do you want to do for it?" Dean asks.

"I don't know. What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking we should go back to Sioux Falls," Dean says. "We could go see both our families. Gabriel told me he and Sam are back from California for a few months. I think they'd like to see us."

Castiel just shakes his head.

"What? Why?" Dean asks, seeming genuinely surprised by the answer.

Castiel just shrugs.

"I think they'd all like to see you're okay," Dean adds.

"We can go back for Christmas," Castiel says.

"For a couple days, maybe," Dean says. "Assuming it's not on a Sunday. And even then, I don't know if I'll have the day off or not. You may have to go alone if you want to go for Christmas."

Castiel sighs. "Then we'll see them after the Super Bowl or whenever football ends."

"Why don't we just go before it starts?" Dean asks. "We have, like, three weeks. Why waste it sitting here?"

Castiel props his head up in his hand. "I just don't want to leave. You're welcome to go without me."

"What? No way!" Dean says, just as Castiel knew he would. "I'm not leaving you here alone." He sighs. "Alright, compromise. We'll stay here and celebrate your birthday here, just us two, and then maybe for Thanksgiving or Christmas or something, I'll see if we can get everyone to come see us instead. Okay?"

Castiel nods. He'll do what he can to keep Dean from inviting them here when the time comes, but for now, this is good. He doesn't want to see his family yet. He doesn't want to see anyone. He's a mess. He knows that. Dean knows that. But to everyone else, he's just a little rattled. He's not going to ruin the illusion. He might not be okay, but he can hide from everyone he loves until he can at least act the part.