A Second Chance

3

Dreaming~

"You're not my mother!" Shina-chan stated.

"Y-You don't mean that. You don't...do you shina-chan?" I stumbled over my words.

"I hate you!" Yelled my daughter.

"Hanami.."

"W-Why mommy?" Cried my youngest.

"Arashi-chan m-mommy didn't mean that! Mommy loves you! I love all of you!" I tried to say with tears rolling down my cheeks.

I tried to reach out to them but as soon as I touched them, they faxed out of my touch. As if their bodies evaporated.

"No! Please! C-Come back! ....Please come back..." I managed to choke up.

Dream over~

I gasped and sat up in a hurry. My chest felt heavier than before and noticed I was breathing hard.

'That dream... That...nightmare was...' I tried to push the thought to the back of my mind and whiped the sweat from the top of my forehead. I carefully got out of bed, still a bit dizzy from that nightmare, and made my way over to my sink. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. As I washed my face, I stopped for a moment to watch my reflection.

' What are you doing?' my self-conscious was talking. ' You know you can't get them back. You should've stayed up there with the love of your life. Clown!'

"I...shut up. I can get them back. I...have to." I replied.

' Yeah right! We'll just see about that...'

I scoffed at my self-conscious throwing down my wash cloth in the process and made my way to the kitchen. As I made my way, I stopped right in front of my kids' side of the hallway and looked on as the memories of yesterday's fight came flooding back to me. I gripped my fist again and turned away.

"I can't think about what I did forever! I have think about how to fix all this pain I caused!" I mumbled to myself.

I pulled out some pots and pans and prepared myself to make breakfast for my kids.

'Maybe I can make amends before they go to school?'

About time I was done, it was time for the kids to wake up. So I set the table for all four of us and sat their food in their respective places. I made them their favorite breakfast which was pancakes, scrambled eggs with extra cheese, and some turkey bacon. Hopefully that'll cheer them up a bit.  As I was preparing their drinks, I heard their door open and little footsteps coming down get hall. I prepared myself and took a quick breath and closed the refrigerator door, facing them.

"Ah g-good morning! D-Did you sleep well?" I curse myself for stumbling so much.

"....Morning." was all that came from Hanami. She didn't even acknowledge me. She just... nevermind.

Morning mommy!" Little Arashi said. It looks like he forgot all about last night. I secretly sigh in relief.

'Thank God for six year old's memories.'

Shinachiku just gave me a wave and a half smile. Obviously, he was still disappointed in me. I secretly cursed myself for my actions and deliver their drinks.

"Here you go. We..don't have anymore apple juice. Sorry Hanami." I said finally sitting at the table.

"It's ok. I don't want it anyways..." She said, still not looking up at me. I was a little upset but pushed my feelings down.

'That's how we got here in the first place.'

"Shina-chan, I'll be picking you up from school today." I slightly smiled at him but he didn't return it which caused me to look down again.

"Actually, I'm gonna hang out with Shikadi after school. We got a... school project together so..."

"Oh that's fine! I'll just pick you up from house so-"

"No thanks. Ah I know how to get around. Trust me. ...Thanks though."

"Oh...ok... I trust you.." I said.

The awkwardness in the room was so thick that you could cut it in half. I tried to soften it up by turning my attention back to Hanami.

"Well since your brother is fifteen now, I guess I'll have to stop babying him huh? Would you like me to pick you up Hanami?"

"No thanks." She refused in a quiet but annoyed voice.

"Really? Because-"

"I said no thanks." She said a little more ferm and loud.

"Hanami..." Shina-chan turned to look at her.

"What!" She looked over to him. He gave her some type of look whiched caused her to sign loudly and closer her eyes. She looked back at me with an annoyed expression. "I'm sorry Mom. It's just..."

"Hanami..."

"I...gotta go. I'll see you later on today. Bye." She got up, grabbed her stuff, and headed out the door

"Hanami wait!" He stood up to get her but I called out to him.

"Let her go. She needs space..." I said. He looked at me with a sift look in his eyes and slowly sat back down.

"No. Go on to school but...I wanna talk with you. But only when you're ready..." I stated. He said nothing and shook his head in understanding and followed suit.

"Shit..." I whispered. I put my face in my hand and began to cry once again. Then I felt small fingers frip my hands. I slowly lift my hands from my face and come face to face with a concerned Arashi.

"Mommy don't cry. It'll be ok." He said. I smiled at him and picked him up from his chair and put him into my arms.

"Arashi, do you remember what happened last night? What...what I said?" I ask. He nodes his head yes.

"You know that mommy didn't mean those things right? Mommy loves you so much. Don't you ever forget it!" I choke up.

"I know mommy." He says and hugs me. I was surprised by this action considering this is the first time he's hugged me in almost twenty-five years. More tears flow's down my eyes as I hug him back tightly.

"Thank you for knowing this!" I cried. "Thank you...!"

Remember guys, always apologize. Don't be too big of a person to do that. ~Author C