Letters To Myself (#Nanowrimo2017 Winning Novel!)

49,

Dear Myself,

New Year's Eve, the last day of a year in which I started living in one place surrounded by the people I knew since the day I arrived into the big, wide world. Now, I'm ending it living in a place where I am passionately in love with the person I truly can call my soulmate, my other half to my whole. It's amazing how much a person's life can change in such a short amount of time right? As an unhappy sixth form student, trying to walk dogs in a bid to save up some cash to treat myself to the distractions to keep me sane and now, studying with a work placement and plenty of options for when the placement ends, it's like my future has finally been handed back to me.

I've kept some of the darkest thoughts away from you Diary because they wanted to linger in my brain and by writing them, it would be hard to stay true to myself and expressive since the pressure was getting too much. I love to blog and will always continue with that passion but never would I rant and use real people's names to describe the situations I faced over the last months of this year. I would most likely lose followers for that since they came for the book reviews and writing, not the ranting and depressive thoughts of a young girl. I met friends for life basically on the internet and also in Michelle, who my feelings for have grown with each passing day that I have lived with her and her parents. Snowy has just added to the comfort and joy that was there before she arrived on the scene. We've had it all and even though my girl isn't able to go back to College, I know that she is an unique and talented individual and will go far with her floristry and design talents. She has the urge to start writing like me and honestly, I would read anything that she writes about. Maybe a joint novel one day? Who knows?

I have a whole bunch of New Year's Resolutions which at this moment in time, I won't be sharing online to my blog followers or online readers of my writing. But here Diary, I will list them down so that I personally don't forget them and get the year off to a rough start.

Morwenna's New Year Resolutions

1. Cook more often for everyone- This is honestly a must since I feel so scared to use an oven in case I burn the house down and all of the food turns to some rotten black ash. Never good! I wouldn't start alone though, Michelle would be with me for the first few attempts and then I would become more confident with that.

2. Finish my placement for College- Honestly, I have around 5 months left with my current placement and even though I've decided not to stay on for a full-time role after it ends, I've developed so much with kids and myself during this time. Learning to be patient which wasn't an overnight success but is getting there.

3. Review books- I love my blog and the experience mainly on social media, ever since being brave to share my love of books with the world on the internet, authors and readers alike have stopped on by to have a chat which made me feel welcome and loved.

4. Write!- Ahhhh, I can't stress this one enough! I seriously want to do all of the Nanowrimo events and write a bunch of new stories as well as connect with other writers and even go to some meetups which would be so much fun, I can tell! My list of new story ideas never stops growing and the amount of time I jot down new ones (sometimes at the dinner table, oops) just keeps my mind active and my mood happy.

5. Go on holiday with Michelle- Yes, all the yes. More than ever, both of us have been thinking about Australia but realistically, a backpacking trip across Europe seems the more likely option. I want to sample all of the chocolate, ice-cream... All junk food, that's not setting a good example girl!

6. Not looking back on my old life- Slipping back into old habits is never healthy and I just don't want to be a part of that. New year, new me. Even though I changed so much as a person earlier this year, I want to carry on with this new means of life and living to the full.

I wrote a little poem again, to close off this year and start the new one:

To The Year

To the year that broke me down

Then fixed me back together

Brought me out from hell

To the radiance of heaven

Moments that I'll always keep

Close beside me

Patience is the key

To seeing myself happy

Never stopped writing

Words that were jotted down

Fragments of a mind

That casted a spell

Over who I used to be

To the year of finding the real me

Some of the fireworks from outside are already starting to go off and as of writing this down now, it's an hour early! Snowy is frightened and seeking shelter in my wardrobe in a bid not to see the bright lights being showcased outside my window. Michelle peacefully is resting beside me but for once, I'm not showing her what I am writing here. My resolutions will remain personal to my heart and I know that hers will be the same too. I break the last resolution I wrote down almost instantly, thinking back to last Christmas and when I got handed you Diary as a present but on taking my girl's hand and squeezing it tight, I physically have to remind myself that it's over. I can't be who I was then, it wasn't healthy, it wasn't right.

For now, I don't know what this New Year will bring but I know what will always stay by my side. The two people I love the most in the entire universe: Michelle and Snowy. Now, all three of us are together as one on my bed. The moment I've dreamt about feeling complete is here, going to sign off for the last time this year and treasure it.

Goodbye from Morwenna.