Letters To Myself (#Nanowrimo2017 Winning Novel!)

3,

Dear Myself,

This week honestly has been quiet until the weekend arrived and what I thought was going to be relaxing turned into a stressful experience that I will never forget. Like I mentioned a while back, I don't mind going shopping and looking for new clothes or some music to listen to on the way to places during family road trips. When Mum asked me if I wanted to go with her, I said yes because she's six months pregnant and currently trying to look after here and make sure she doesn't overdo things that could cause problems for her health and the condition of the baby. But that one store in particular, dear oh dear! They could honestly see that my Mum needed somewhere to sit down and rest for a while but no, the seating was for customers who were trying things on the changing rooms. Both of us had left early, Dad working on what he described as a top secret project but in reality, he's fixing a motherboard for a customer and Damien dressed in a football strip and ready to go to a classmate's birthday party where the theme was football. As I don't have my provisional driving licence yet, both of us had to take one of the buses into the city.

Getting on the bus was OK however finding somewhere to keep my Mum safe from other passengers and their heavy bags full of shopping and parcels was a bit more tricky. When we did find somewhere to sit, my mind had a little panic. Did I switch my bedroom light off? In the rush of helping my Mum around and obviously everyone else going to be out, I had to text Damien to tell him to go into my bedroom and check the light was off. My main worry was that he was going to find you Diary but luckily, he didn't. I keep you well away from preying eyes and even if someone was to find you, they don't have the key to open you.

The city was absolutely packed with tourists, families and buskers singing along to popular songs on the radio in a bid to try and earn some cash. One of my old friends Danielle had tried this tact with her older cousin and once made over £300 during a busy Saturday. What they ended up using the money for I really don't know but I kind of want to guess booze and sweets? Wrapping my arm around my Mum's arm, we made a beeline for the first store which was a clothing one. At sixth form, we had to dress smartly which meant suit and tie, dresses, work skirts etc but when you weren't in classes, fashion was up to you. Personally, I like to wear a simple t-shirt, a pair of black leggings and some cute fluffy socks. I just don't let my classmates see the fluffy socks part.

That store along with the first few we went to ended up going well, Mum found a really lovely coral dress which after trying on really showed off her bump. Just seeing her eyes light up and a wide smile across her face made me feel proud and warm inside. But sadly Diary, those happy plans and existence weren't to last. Diving into a busy clothes store, I couldn't find anything that caught my eye. Most of the clothes on sale were either neon pink or yellow and I hate both of those colours. After a while of looking round the racks and shelves full of items, I realised that my Mum was nowhere to be seen. No big deal right? Wrong! Making a beeline towards the main doors thinking she had overheated or something, there was no sign of her on the Main Street.

Heart-pounding, I then overheard some raised voices and someone crying saying that they felt unwell and just needed somewhere to sit down. It only took me a few seconds to realise that the person crying was my Mum. I physically pushed past some customers and raced towards a corner of the shop where my Mum was holding her bump in one hand, shopping bags collapsed on the floor. Diary, I don't get angry often but when I do, I make sure the person doesn't hear the end of it. Spotting a member of staff, I asked her who made my Mum cry. Calmly, she tried to tell me that those seats were only available to customers trying on clothes. I didn't want to try anything on and nor did my Mum. I looked at the member of staff straight in the eye and said that I was the daughter of the woman sat down in a sweaty, forlorn mess and that no-one had any right to yell at her like that.

The next minute, a security guard came up to me and said I was being banned from the store for causing a fuss. I felt livid and mortified. Feeling like I had no choice, I then said that all of the members of staff should be ashamed for not trying to help my Mum at least get a glass of water and under my breath, cursed that all of them should rot in hell. The conversations between customers fell to a complete silence as my Mum stared up towards me, trying hard not to cry. Carrying her bags and her was tricky but still no-one came to help. When I heard one of the staff members on the till giggle, I felt I had no choice but to do something really bad. And I did.

I stuck the middle finger up towards her as people walking past gasped. Whatever happened in the store next, who knows but by this point, both of us were heading back home on a packed bus. Luckily, a very lovely lady gave up her seat for my Mum to sit down on. Such a shame that a pretty fun day-out turned into a nightmare. Dad was home when we arrived, took one look and Mum and decided to carry her in his arms upstairs to bed. Damien was still at the birthday party and I had no homework to do. My next decision was to go out for a bit longer and do something for me. That was photography.

By my house, there are some housing estates, a few shops, a couple of primary schools but there's also an area of woodland and that was where I like to go sometimes to take some photos. It was late afternoon and I knew the sun was going to set soon but I didn't care. Just the need to have some new photos in my procession overwhelmed me. There was no-one around when I got to my favourite spot, slightly up a tall tree but had a firm branch to sit on and overlook the skyline of the city. In the rolling hills, some mist was starting to gather so I started to snap, knowing I could edit my work later to make it look extra thrilling and spooky.

It was past five by the time I left my spot and made the short walk home. And that is where Diary I gathered you from my hiding place and wrote this letter down. Hopefully you can take it all in what happened in the space of a few hours because the experience still terrifies me. I know what I did was wrong but in the heat of the moment, we can all do and say bad things or words. I get my mock exam results next week, so I will see you then. Until now.

Yours,

Morwenna.