Infinity: A Jenlisa AU

Chapter 5

"You mean delusions? Hallucinations?"

"Exactly."

"To be honest, I don't know what this psycho-chemical is, which means I can't say with any certainty what effect it might have had on your nervous system."

"So it could still be affecting me?"

"Again, I don't know what its half-life is, or how long it takes your body to expel it. But you don't strike me as being under the influence of anything at the moment."

Memories of the night before are regenerating. Jennie saw herself walking naked and at gunpoint into an abandoned building. Pieces of a strange conversation with... herself?

Dr. Yeri pulls a chair over and takes a seat beside Jennie's bed.

"Let's talk about what you said to Dr. Irene. She wrote down..." She sighs. "Apologies, her handwriting is atrocious. 'Patient reports: It was my house but it wasn't my house.' You also said that you got the cuts and bruises on your face because people were chasing you, but when asked why they were chasing you, you couldn't provide an answer." She looks up from the screen. "You're a professor?"

"Correct."

"At..."

"Yonsei University."

"Here's the thing, Jennie. While you were sleeping, and after we couldn't find any trace of your wife-"

"What do you mean you couldn't find any trace of her?"

"Her name is Lisa Manoban, correct?"

"Yes."

"Well we found someone with the same name but when we contacted her, she told us that you two aren't married."

That levels Jennie. She look away from the doctor, back out the window. At this point, She's not even sure what to be afraid of-this reality that might actually be true, or the possibility that everything is going to pieces inside her head.

Jennie liked it much better when she thought everything was being caused by a brain tumor. That, at least, was an explanation.

"Jennie, we took the liberty of looking you up. Your name. Profession. Everything we could find. I want you to answer me very carefully. Do you really believe you're a physics professor at Yonsei University?"

"I don't believe it. It's what I am."

"We researched the faculty web pages for science departments in every university and college in Seoul. Including Yonsei. You weren't listed as a professor on any of them."

"That's impossible. I've been teaching there since-"

"Let me finish, because we did find some information about you." She types something on her tablet. "Jennie Kim, born 1996 in Anyang, South Korea. Says here that your mother passed when you were eight. How? If you don't mind my asking."

"She had an underlying heart condition, caught a bad strain of the flu, which turned into pneumonia."

"Sorry to hear that." She continues reading. "Bachelor's degree from Sungkyunkwan University, 2017. PhD from same university. So far so good?"

Jennie nods.

"Awarded the Pavia Prize in 2017, and the same year, Science magazine honored your work with a cover story, calling it the 'breakthrough of the year.' Guest lecturer at Harvard, Princeton, UC Berkeley." She looks up, meets Jennie's bewildered gaze, and then turns the tablet around so Jennie can see that she's reading from the Wikipedia page of Jennie Kim.

Jennie's sinus rhythm on the heart monitor she's attached to, has become noticeably faster.

Dr. Yeri continues, "You haven't published any new papers or accepted any teaching positions since 2017, when you took on the role of chief science officer with Velocity Laboratories, a jet propulsion lab. It says finally that a missing-persons report was filed on your behalf eight months ago by your friend, and that you haven't been seen publicly in over a year."

This rocks Jennie so deeply that she can barely draw breath.

"I want to help you, Jennie. I can see that you're terrified. I don't know what's happened to you, and I get the feeling you don't know either."

When Jennie didn't say anything, Dr. Yeri tries to ease her mind, "I've called the police. They're sending a detective over to take a statement from you and begin trying to get to the bottom of what happened last night. That's the first thing we're doing."

She glances down at the floor, as if she doesn't want to tell Jennie whatever's coming next.

"Last thing," she says. "We need the guidance of a psychiatrist to get a handle on your condition. I'm having you transferred over to Gwangjin-gu, which is where National Mental Health Center is located"

That alerted Jennie "Look, I admit that I don't have a firm grasp on exactly what's happening, but I'm not crazy. I'd be happy to talk to a psychiatrist. In fact, I'd welcome the opportunity. But I'm not volunteering to be committed, if that's what you're asking."

"It's not what I'm asking. With all due respect, Jennie, you don't have a choice in the matter."

"Excuse me?"

"It's called an M1 hold, and by law, if I think you're a threat to yourself or others, I can order a seventy-two-hour involuntary commitment. Look, this is the best thing for you. You're in no condition-"

"I walked into this hospital under my own steam, because I wanted to find out what was wrong with me."

"And that was the right choice, and that's exactly what we're going to do: find out why you're having this break with reality, and set you up with the treatment you need to make a full recovery."

"So you're going to put me in a rubber room, no belt, no sharp objects, and medicate me into a stupor?" Jennie asked.

"It's not like that. You came into this hospital because you wanted to get better, right? Well, this is the first step. I need you to trust me."

Dr. Yeri rises from the chair and drags it back across the room under the television. "Just keep resting, Jennie. Police will be here soon, and then we'll get you moved over to Gwangjin-gu"

Jennie watches her go.

What if all the pieces of belief and memory that comprise who she is-her profession, her wife - Lisa, -are nothing but a tragic misfiring in that gray matter between her ears? Will she keep fighting to be the woman she thinks she is? Or will she disown it and everything she loves, and step into the skin of the person this world would like for her to be?

And if she have lost her mind, what then?

What if everything she know is wrong?

No. Stop. I am not losing my mind. Jennie told herself.

There were drugs in my blood from last night and bruises on my body. My key opened the door to that house that wasn't mine. I don't have a brain tumor. There's a mark from a wedding band on my ring finger. I am in this hospital room right now, and all of this is actually happening.

I am not allowed to think I'm crazy.

I am only allowed to solve this problem.

And so, Jennie left the hospital.