Good evening i guess, it's AJ btw.
Today has been so fucking depressing and just draining but i hope yours was alright.
i feel as though im mental, too mental for my own good. Or maybe i just can't talk about it to my parents without them telling me what's right and wrong and what i should do for myself. I don't actually believe them when they tell me the things they do. And i have a reason for that.
They are wrong.
Trust me. I know my body. Much like you know yours. I know there is something wrong other than anxiety because all my anxiety does is make me throw up, until i start shaking rapidly and have to get IV fluids. You would think they'd know from all the hospital visits and the behavioral med. attention. But no, they seem to be always right in their head. Especially my father.
My father goes on and on and on. And on. He restates the same sentence repeatedly. He will yell at you for something so so very small. And he won't sieze to call you stupid, or incapable of living as a successful human being. But i'm going to say this, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what he says. You choose the people's opinions that matter, for the most part. I mean come on would you still care about what he says when he's just gonna say the same thing?! Of course not. I'm living my goddamn life. And i'm going to do the same thing when im 18. When i'm 30. And when i'm fucking 85. I know you're in charge of me in some way, but honestly, i'm in charge of me for the most part.
It's gotten to the point where they think i'm SO incapable they start picking at my friends and sorting out my daily life. Like can you sit the fuck down?! I swear i don't think i'll ever get to actually live until i leave this place. I've never been able to even see things like how i want to see them, or have a valid opinion for that matter. I'm your kid and you've decided to raise me up by blindly telling me im not worth shit and i never will be worth shit.
Listen. I know i seem to be talking about both my parents here but it's mostly my dad. And i'm sorry if you have more severe problems or more severe circumstances than i do because really i am thankful for what i have. I just think it's awful having mental illness AND enablers that live with me.
I just want a fucking break.
Ever so dearly,
a lost soul.
VOUS LISEZ
AJ&Sav's Real Thoughts
Non-Fictionthis just comes straight from our mind; our thoughts, our views, our experiences, the good and the bad. feel free to read if you need advice, but be sure that this isn't educated or professional. we are just human beings that experience day to day t...
