New York Heroes

Multiple Breakings of the 4th Wall

Deadpool strolled onto the screen. "What's up, readers?" He waited for you to respond. . .

"Nice, nice. You're all expecting an update, what am I doing breaking the fourth wall, blah blah blah. Honestly, are you surprised?

"Let's rewind to the end of last chapter. The heroes didn't know how to beat mutants, so they contacted my team. We were trying to help, but Cable was being extremely rude. Even with our help, the heroes were depressed. Then, that blonde kid burst in.

"The coma lady woke up! Yippee! Very touching scene. I almost cried. Not! But I'm pretty sure Colossus did. Anyways, she was telling us how that one mutant girl can manipulate nerve endings or whatever. Can really mess you up or something. But she can only do it if she comes into physical contact! Which is why I wear a full-body suit, of course! (Not really. I just look ******* great in spandex!)

"Apparently the coma chick is like the team leader, or mascot, or something. I thought she was just a background character, but as soon as she woke up, everyone jumped into action. We're ready to fight those random people now! **** yeah! Let's go!

"I'm not really sure how I feel about retaking the city. I mean, since those two guys took control, New York has gotten a lot more fun. Murder in the streets? Why not? Great way to kill time! (Ha! Comedy!) But. . . the traffic has gotten worse, if that was possible. You can't go more than a couple feet without running into a bloodthirsty demon. Makes my morning commute a ******* nightmare! But, you know, upsides and downsides.

"Everyone else wanted to save the city. Let's beat up the bad guys! Honestly, being a hero isn't that different from being a mercenary. All I have to do is find someone worse than me and take him down. Only difference is that now everyone wants me to have morals and be a good person and all that other gross stuff! It's so boring!

"But we all decided to fight, because that's what heroes do. And because it wouldn't be a very good book if we all gave up now. We were gathered around a ping pong table, but everyone else was still super grim. No one would start a game with me! They said I was being to immature for the situation. That's just part of my character! Apparently, it's supposed to be dangerous and hard to get in (isn't it always?), but there was also supposed to be a lot of gore, so I wasn't complaining. That America guy seemed super uptight during the planning. He needs to pull the stick out of his butt!

"Why do you guys even like that stars and stripes guy anyways? He's a complete prick in my side! So lame! He keeps censoring me and thinks he can stop me from killing people! Ha! Not gonna happen, buddy.

"We finally got everything set up and headed out. Some new rap song was playing in the background to add to the mood and make us look cool. And also probably to make money on the soundtrack, but we'll just ignore that for right now.

"Surprisingly, demons were roaming the streets to keep us from reaching the tower! Who could have guessed? But we worked together and managed to defeat them! Because that's what heroes do."

Deadpool felt as if he was getting a little too snarky. "Really? Snarky? Great word choice, author!" He said, voice dripping with sarcasm. He took a deep breath, then continued in a less snarky tone.

"After our great show of teamwork, and a few minor fights, we finally managed to make our way into the tower. It was all going perfectly! It's as if the original group of heroes could have beaten the bad guys on their own, but the author needed more plot to fill in this story arc!

"Anyways, we split up into two groups. One group snuck into the control room while the other group made their way through the tower to take on the big bosses. Apparently the big bosses were above my pay grade because I was in the control room group.

"Surprisingly, the young mutants from the last fight scene were there waiting for us! Apparently they noticed the giant group of heroes walking through the city killing their army! Who could believe it?"

Wade Wilson rolled his eyes. "Was that snarky enough for you, Author? Or should I take it up a notch?"

Deadpool immediately felt less sarcastic. He got the overwhelming urge to finish the story without bothering the wonderful author any more.

Deadpool glared at the author, but continued his story nonetheless. It was what the readers deserved. "It was our group against the mutants. There were three of them. There were like twenty of us. But somehow it was a close battle! C'mon! That's just poor writing!

"The guy used plants to attack us! ******* plants! I thouht 'What's the worst he can do? Mess with my allergies?' And he just looked so. . . non-threatening! I started laughing, which made him mad. Next thing I knew, there was a cactus growing up my butt! Literally! (Now I know how Mr. Stars-and-Stripes feels all the time.) If I didn't have healing powers, I'd probably be dead. While I was working on my, ehm, problem, the rest of the team continued the fight.

"Plant Boy got a blast of Russel and that weird mechanic boy's fire powers. Burned all the plants. Then the shapeshifter caught him with a net arrow. The speed chick zipped around the room knocking people over. It looked fun. (More fun than the ******* cactus!) When she went after Domino and that blonde girl (What's her name. . . Alice? Amber? Annabelle! That's it!), a support beam fell on top of her and knocked her out! Lucky for Domino. It was super cinematic. You should have been there to see it. Now all that was left was the nerve girl.

"She went on a rant about how we couldn't touch her and blah blah blah. I wasn't really paying attention. I had more pressing issues at the moment. All I remember is she had a squeaky voice, and it was so annoying. After a struggle, I finally managed to free myself! But I didn't walk away without a scratch. . . (There are probably still some needles up there. . . ) After the whole cactus fiasco, I was over the fight. Nerve Girl was still rambling on, so I snuck up behind her and smacked her in the head with a board I found lying on the ground. (Like I said, poor writing.)

"Yay. We won. The power of teamwork gave us the boost we needed to win against three teenagers!

"So we went upstairs to help the other group. But amazingly ten people managed to beat two men on their own! The bad guys were tied up on the floor. The day was saved! Immediately, the sun came out from behind the clouds. We were all filled with hope.

"I'm kidding. We just wanted food. Battles are fun, but they're also tiring! We raided the kitchen but only found a smashed loaf of bread and a single pack of Pop Tarts. I was surprised to find that; the place was trashed! So we spent about an hour looking for an open restaurant. We actually found one. This old war vet had boarded up his windows and defended the place with a shotgun. But he was still very courteous to non-demons. He even had a few other customers.

"We all sat down to eat (I decided to stand due to my. . . injuries.). We told the good restaurant patrons about our battle and basically explained that we weren't evil incarnate. Over the course of the story, they realized that we were actually heroes and apologized for doubting us. They started telling other people to like us again. And just like that, we regained the city's trust!

"And so, due to some terrible writing and the power of friendship, we saved the day again!" Deadpool bowed. Then he realized that everyone else had saved the day while he sat on a cactus. He quickly discarded that thought. "And now I'm going home. I would love to stay, but I'm sick of Captain stars and stripes."

Wade Wilson walked away, mumbling under his breath.

"Frickin prick. . .

. . . in my side."

A/N What's up guys? I'm so sorry for the slow updates! I've been working on this in my free time, I swear! I've just had no free time. On the plus side, my schedule should calm down soon. Hopefully I can catch up with updates soon. Thanks so much for reading!

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Bye my Hero Readers! Love Ya!

~CB