Good Enough (Scomiche)

Ch 14. Punishment

I let my fingertips run lightly through his hair and over the slight lift of skin that would forever be a reminder of the things he had been through.

“How’s your head?”

He looked up at me, brown eyes tired and worn  “Much better.” His fingers danced along my bare chest, palm pressing to rest over my heart. He let his head lay next to it, his eyes closing as he got comfortable.

“So she fixed you? I mean they fixed you? For good this time?” my hand slid up and down his arm in an effort to comfort. I enjoyed being close to him, holding him, just existing without worry.

“Yeah.” He was quiet for a moment. His eyes opened and he stared out at nothing. I could see the thoughts mulling around behind those eyes. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

I wasn’t sure how to answer that. Physically? I was feeling much better.

But mentally? I was a bit of a disaster.

“A little stiff, a bit achy, but I’ll live.” I watched his eyes dart to mine, searching for any sign of untruth.   

“Honestly.” I slid my hand over his back in reassurance.

He burrowed into my chest, shifting about and adjusting his body much like a restless child. He was just trying to get closer.

I chuckled, the sound deep in my chest and Mitch finally settled with a rather dramatic sigh as he found his comfy spot.

We were silent for a long while, and I was just about to doze off when his quiet voice brought me back to full awareness.  

“Do you hate me? Really?” He was hesitant. There was always such a hard edge to Mitch and yet such a soft innocence that it was hard to think of him as the dangerously unique being that he was. 

“Sometimes I think I do, but I don’t really. It’s them I hate. I hate what they’ve done to you, to us. I hate how they make me feel, that they make me think I hate you sometimes.”

“Sometimes I hate me too.”

“Babe…” I squeezed him tighter, but he kept on speaking.

“Sometimes I wish that they had never existed.”

“I wish they had never existed.” 

“No!” His head shot up to look at me as he protested.

I was baffled. After everything? After the pain? The years we’d never get back?

“But, look at what they’ve put us through ”

“If they had never existed I would never have met you. I wouldn’t trade that for anything in this world… not a normal life.. not anything.  I’d live those 6 years in hell all over again if it meant I could be with you. I hate myself for letting them get to you and I hate myself for what they did to you, but I’m not going anywhere ever again. I won’t ever leave you alone like that.”

I wanted to believe him, but hadn’t he told me before that he would never go away again?

Did I trust that? Not immediately. My trust is a hard thing to earn, especially since its been broken so many times before.

“I guess without them you wouldn’t even exist, huh.” I tightened my hold on him, trying to imagine a world where he'd never existed. What would my life be like?

“Maybe it would have been better that way.”

“Shhh… please don’t say things like that.” I reached out to caress his cheek, to run my fingers over his head lovingly. “We’re together now. You’re safe and we’re home.”