So What

-14-

I remembered her face. 

Then it hit me.

it was Ariel. a girl I had gone to school with. we were mortal enemies. I sat there hoping she wouldn't bring up school. 

she left with our orders. I didn't order maybe Jakob did it for me. how sweet. 

"Gabby"

"Gabby"

"huh yeah," I said coming out of my daze

"if you could do anything right now what would you do?" dash said to me

"I wouldn't change anything," I said basking in the warmth of the sun.

the waitress brought out our food. 

"Mmmmm looks good," I said

we all ate our food. 

someone paid for the food and we left.

I plopped down on the beach. it was starting to get late. the sun was setting. the sky turned pink and purple. I pulled my phone out opening sc I got a picture of the sky and turned the camera to all of us, sitting on the beach. I captioned it, my favourite place with my favourite people. I turned my phone off. I lay my head on my boyfriend's shoulder.

"I love you" he whispered to me.

I didn't say anything back. It totally ruined my mood. I sat up taking my head off his shoulder. I felt really awkward sitting there. I shuffled away from him the tiniest bit.

I saw his face drop. I had issues

*3 months later*

we started having problems again. I was laying upside down on my bed, phone in hand, Jakob sitting up against the headboard. I was mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. I was thinking about me dying and people I loved dying. 

"Babe," I said, sitting up 

"hmm" he replied mindlessly

"I want to die," I said seriously

he sat up moving over to me.

"baby why would you want to die. you have an amazing life with amazing people awesome and supporting friends and you have me," he said sadly

"well clearly you haven't met my friends"

"serious question"

"yeah"

"why now. I know you have struggled with minor depression before but why has it come back,"

a tear slid down my cheek. "I'm" I couldn't finish my sentence because I was sobbing so much. he lifted his hand, gently touching my face wiping the tear away. 

he looked into my eyes and said "I cant do this"

I knew exactly what he was saying. he was breaking up with me. 

we both got up. I grabbed my jumper and left. 

running to my car, tears streaming down my face. I was hurting so much, it felt like I had my heart ripped out then stomped on. I had never felt so bad in my life. I wish I could just curl up and die.

I had a great idea. I'll go die...