Alone

Dangerous Thoughts

Here is the new chapter! I have to give a warning. The end of it is a little dark. Hope you guys like this chapter.

After I saw the notification of the system I asked several questions about what this law could do but I only got roundabout answers from it. It seemed like it didn't want to give direct answers about my questions. So I gave up and went to sleep. Now it has been a week since that time and I was doing my work on the ship thinking about how I should do the mission. How should I make him realize the value of real women? Is that even possible? From my observations he is completely obsessed with this 'girl' called Asu-chan. And he has even brainwashed the entire crew, men AND women, that 2D is the best. So how can I, who is terrible at socializing, make him think that 3D girls are the best? The answer; I DON'T KNOW!!! So now I am just doing my work around the ship. And the weird thing is that I am becoming better at housework and that I am even beginning to hum while doing it. It is quite scary. I don't want to be a housewife at my age! I want to go around shooting people for at least twenty years and then settle down with a nice guy. Wait! What am I thinking!? This isn't right! I am a man! REMEMBER!!! YOU! ARE! A!! MAN!!!

"Yo normie! Bring me some food!" Shouted the incompetent 2D obsessed captain of mine while wailing his arms around like a child.

I sighed and answered, "Yes captain." and walked into the kitchen and took the kitchen knife and began making food and noticed that I was now quite incredible at making it. I was able to flip things in the air, cut things so fast that you could not even see my hands and it was even really delicious and perfect afterwards. And apparently among the other crew members I was now becoming closer and closer to the so called 'sweet childhood friend.'

And now as I as chopping some vegetables I heard someone open the door and looked towards it instinctively and saw a guy who had now put his gun on my forehead. I looked at the guy and I began to shake and then I shook even harder. Memories constantly flowing into my mind and then I unconsciously screamed and passed out.

After a while I woke up and saw a sight which I hadn't seen in such a long time. My apartment. I stood up and looked out the window and tons of snow floating down from the sky. I looked towards my desk and saw my old computer standing there while it was on. I sat down on my chair and looked at the web. I saw many sites and videos which made me laugh. And then I felt something pull me and I was sitting at a round table with many eccentric figures. And they all stared at me.

The first to speak was a god with a long white beard who seemed to demand a lot of authority from the others around the table. "So you are the new demigod. It is very nice to meet you. I am the head of all gods. Lucius, the creator of divine."

I suddenly snapped back to reality. "AH! Yes, my name is Rachel and... what is a demigod?" I asked the god in front of me while being slightly nervous.

"Oh? I guess I will explain. A demigod is half a god. Half a divine being. That is what you are. That also means you are a potential god. Of course you are the 1000th candidate who is able to become a god. The 999 others are... dead." He answered my question with a soft smile but ended with a solemn expression.

"Dead!? How is that possible!? Out of a thousand people none of them could become a god!? And how did they die!?" I erupted in complete confusion and my breathing began to quicken.

He looked at me hesitantly and constantly opened and closed his mouth and then another god couldn't take it anymore and shouted. "BECAUSE THEY FAILED THE TRIAL!!! He doesn't want to tell you because it will..."

"MORPHEUS!" Lucius shouted and angrily glared at the god who I now observed.

He had black hair with some white in it while it was pulled back like that of a mafia boss and his eyes were pitch black and his eyes were so deep it felt like you could be lost in them for eternity.

"What? I just want to be honest with her? Is that so wrong?" He said and smiled arrogantly at Lucius who seemed to become angrier and angrier which then made the space around us to tremble frantically as if afraid of what would happen next.

"You, what, I... AHHH!!! We will talk about this later! For now just be quiet." Lucius said and sighed deeply and stared at me intently as if he was looking right through me. "Alright. You pass." He said and I was a bit confused about what he said.

"What do you mean?" I asked while my eyes were bulging in disbelief.

"I mean you passed the first trial. You are currently doing The Trial Of Gods and you have past the first trial of the Trial Of Gods which was an evaluation of your ability and talent." He answered again with a gentle smile as if he was an old grandpa. And then his expression turned serious. "And now you have to change a mortal. The system is already helping you with that, right?"

"Umm, yes. But how do you know about the system?" I asked the god in front of me and he smiled again.

"We know because the system is in every world. It was created by a small amount of divine energy and absorbed more and more and eventually became a divine creature which doesn't have a physical form but only exists as a form of energy. It helps us gods do our jobs by observing our worlds and making sense of it all. After all, we aren't omnipotent creatures like we are told to be in legends." He answered with a smile and then he looked to the side for a second and sighed. "Sorry. You will have to go now. Bye for now young demigod." He waved goodbye and...

I opened my eyes and saw Julian looking at me worriedly from above. I blinked my eyes for a second and got up and rubbed my forehead. And then then I remembered what happened before I was summoned by the gods. I began to shiver and my memories began to become clearer and clearer and I shivered more and more and then my shoulders were grabber suddenly by Julian who stared intently into my eyes.

"It is alright now Rachel. He is not here anymore and you don't have to see him anymore. Don't worry. He is gone." He said while he pulled me towards his chest and hugged me and I began to blush.

And when Julian noticed what he was doing he blushed to and pushed me away awkwardly and hurriedly. "I, I am sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

And then I looked down my face becoming redder and redder. "No, it's fine. Don't worry about it."

He nodded and excited the room as fast as he could. As I watched him leave I began to panic. AHHH!!! Why did he hug me!? I am not even worth hugging so why did he do it!? There was no reason to! Ah! Maybe he took pity on me! Yes! Pity... Yeah, of course it was pity. It is not like he likes someone like me who is so strange and ugly. After all, I don't deserve to live. Yes, I really don't. And not only that, I've known it for a long time so... why don't I just die? Is there even a reason to live anymore? Yeah. Why don't I just... DIE...  

If any of you are struggling with the same thoughts or something similar as the protagonist try to go to a psychologist or someone like that who knows what they are talking about. You can even speak with your mother or father, maybe even a teacher. There are also special organisations that can and will be able to help you with those kind of things. But, I don't want to sound as if I don't know what I am saying. But, if you cant speak with any of those kind of people, try to talk to yourself. Try to work it out inside your own mind and decide if its worth being depressed over. I am not saying you should try to be happy all the time because that is impossible. You are human and so am I. And there truly is no right answer to, "Is this worth it?" because you have to find your own answer. And if you came to that it isn't worth it, find something that is worth it. Something that is worth you. Well, I don't want to continue this little message for too long so, bye bye and I hope you read the next chapter! >_< #SoEmbaressed