cuts ✧ matt.murdock

the bitter and the lost

(AN: i know it has been almost a year but... better than nothing, i guess. it's short 'cause the next one is longer. dedicated to spacelingwithhumour for attacking me every day of the past year, thanks bitch (honestly))

We were trapped, at least in our minds, not so much within the four walls. Trapped... like birds in a cage that desperately wanted to be free. It was our fault anyway, but it didn't matter. The two of us were so close, but couldn't be further away- in our own mental cages. We were desperate to get out without anything else going wrong. We didn't say a word to each other, but there were many things we wanted to discuss. Those questions were for another time.

It took me a while before starting to help Murdock lift the metal grate. I was panicking- heavily. Not about being stuck down in a basement with two men, but about the circumstances that had led me to that situation. I had heavily messed up somewhere along the line, and it was time to go back. Go back to as normal of a time as the world would allow.

We were through- all three of us. I wondered if this was only myself- but time seemed to fly by. Then it sped up even more. I really only experienced moments.

Soon, Murdock and I were running down the underground tunnels, feeling the bullets ricochet on the walls behind us. I would have never thought he would leave the Russian behind, but the blur of the moment made it so that he didn't have a choice. Surely, Vladimir was dead by then, but the clanging continued. I would have been worried if it weren't for the fact that the universe had willed it that we lived this far. I was surprised we didn't have the armed men problem sooner. I seriously thought that was it.

Imagine that. My last moments spent with a criminal and a man I barely knew. I had definitely been through stranger things, but dying amongst men like that...

And so that was how we left it. Murdock said my apartment was to the right, so I parted from him with instructions on how to return home. What we didn't need was to be two semi-masked individuals roaming the streets after a bomb had detonated. I understood how sloppy policemen could be in such a mass panic. They could and would pin it on the first believable figure.

Another reason we went separate ways was the incredible tension that caused our silence. Murdock had done something he said he would never do- he left a man behind. I didn't even bother with any comments on this, because neither of us needed that. All we needed was a long break- from everything.

--

The troubles that I was facing were immense, and they initiated some sort of gut response inside of me. All I did, when I arrived in the safety of my home,  was lay on the floor, the same place I had almost died only a few nights earlier. The deepest of blood still remained, but all my brain allowed me to do was replicate that experience. My mind was occupied with the strongest of thoughts. They were all floating around because... I had experienced the concept. The concept of near-death. 

What was awaiting me? I could imagine it because I had. I almost knew. Sometimes we find ourselves looking for answers in the dark. Answers in the shadows of the night. But the shadows are filled with more than anyone could anticipate- more than what some are searching, or hiding from. The shadows are filled with devious acts, with hidden secrets, for trickery and fools. But there are some that find the darkness best for seeking justice.

That is what they all are doing, all these people are seeking justice in such a dark world. They think it is easier than the light, but things can be lost in the dark. That is what some of us find- lost hope, lost freedom, lost faith.So, some stay away, some take it easy- hiding from the bitter and the lost. Hiding from the dark- even when others have the strength to live in it. 

There was no comfort in these thoughts, but the familiarity of them provided all the clarity I needed.