Detroit: Become Human || READ DESCRIPTION ||

Connor x Suicidal! Reader: fatal feelings Pt. 1 [Songfic]

Song: Feelings are fatal
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i'm happy for you

    "Connor we did it!", I said jumping up and down, finally catching a deviant.  Connor nodded in response, and started to walk to the deviant who was struggling out of the handcuffs we put on it.  "Ummmm... you did a great job by the way", I added, only getting a nod from Connor.
    "Back to the police station?", I said cheerfully.  Connor said, "yes", in response.  Walking to the car.

i'm smiling for you

    'That was a week ago... come on keep smiling, you got this, just push through the hours', I thought as I smiled.  Walking over to Connors desk, asking him, "You ready for our new case?", I said.  "Yes", was the response I got from Connor.

i'd do anything

    "Connor, watch out! The deviant has a gun!", I said, running to Connor and pushing him out of the crossfire.  Taking out my gun.  "AAGGGHHH!", I yelled in pain as I got shot, I land on the floor, seeing the figure of the deviant slowly fading .  My vision getting blurry from a the blood loss.  "Come one", I whispered to myself as I lifted the gun, aiming it at the deviant.  "I-I can't", I said as I blacked out.

for you for you

Beep
Beep
Beep

    I opened my eyes to a glowing white room.  Hearing a shuttle noise with a beat. "Whe-where am I?", I said cliche, knowing that I'm in a hospital, I just wanted a response.  "Your in the hospital", a voice said to my right.  I looked there and saw Connor standing straight with his hands on his back.
    I smiled a little bit, a genuine smile I didn't have for a long time.  "Thanks for waiting for me Connor... I appreciate it", I said, looking into his eyes.  "Well yes, I was ordered to keep watch on you in case anything happens", Connor responded.  "Oh... you were order to watch", I whispered, my smile disappearing for a second, but I held myself together.
    'So you didn't want to be here', I thought as I looked at Connor. 'You don't care about me'.  "Are you okay (y/n)? You seem bothered", Connor said, making me snap out of my thoughts.  "Oh I'm fine, I guess I'm just a little bit hazy from the gun shot still", I said nervously.

it's always for you

    "Okay. Do I have your permission to go back to the office?", Connor said.  "You don't want to stay?", I said, grabbing the white sheets tightly.  "No. I have much work to attend to about the deviant case", Connor said.  "Oh. Yea, you can go", I said.  Connor started to walk to the door. Before he was about to open it...

and never or me

    He said, "You didn't need to take that shot for me, that was a foolish and careless choice. Do I need to remind you that I am not alive. Because I said many times, I'm not. Good day (y/n)", Connor said as he opened the door.

i need it to stop

    But I stopped him, by saying, "Co-Connor... you don't mean that don't you... aren't you happy that I took that gun shot?", I said .  "As I said before... I'm not alive", Connor stated blatantly, as he walked out.

so let me tell you please

    "Bu-but I love you", I whispered, as I reached my arm where the door Connor went out from.

i'm always sad

     "Why does everybody leave me?", I whispered to myself, as water started to blur my line of vision.  "Did I do something wrong?  Did I deserve this?"

and i'm always lonely

    "I'm so lonely... I just want someone there to lean on once in a while", I sobbed out to myself, as I brought my knees to my chest, and lay my head on them.  "Why can't I just tell him?", I asked myself.

but i can't tell you
that i'm breaking slowly

    "No... he won't care... what's the point of telling somebody how you feel, if all they feel is nothing about you", I said.

~Month later~

     I've been cleared from that god forbidden place, the white is to bright for my eyes, and the smell just send shivers down my back.
     I looked up at the sky, it was a nice day... a nice day to end this loneliness.

closed doors
locked in, no keys

    I slammed the door, and locked myself in my dust ridden apartment. 

keeping my feelings hidden
there is no ease

    I cried and cried, pulling my hair, scratching my eyes.  The tears felt like poison to me. 

    "i need it to stop", I hiccuped to myself, as I wiped my tears with the back of my hand.  As I walked to my mirror in the bathroom. 

    "and i want to be able to open up but", I said to myself, I want to stop this loneliness. I want people to care about me...

my feelings are fatal

    "BUT HOW ARE PEOPLE SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT ME! IF-IF... I don't even care about myself", I yelled at myself, punching the mirror, the shards sinking into my fingers.  I looked at the broken mirror, to see a broken reflection of me.  Little blood splats on some edges.
    "Shit", I muttered under my breath as I cleaned up my mess, and bandage my hand.

how many times

    "(Y/n), what happened to your hand", Connor said, as we walked down the streets of Detroit. 

must i keep it inside

    "Oh-I uh... fell into a mirror which they were pulling out the store, all the force and shards went to one my hands", I said, trying to sound convincing, but Connor raised an eyebrow.  Nodding his head, "Well heal up soon", he said, I smiled in response.
    Connor had longer strides, so he was ahead of me, and it was crowded in the streets at the moment.  I kept looking at his back, contemplating what to do.  I tapped Connors shoulder, making him turn around to face me. "Yes?", Connor asked.  "Can I grabbed onto you? It's crowded so we don't want to get separated", I said.  "Sure", Connor said, as I grabbed onto his arm, like a child with their parents in a mall.

i need to let go
and i swear that i've tried

    I looked down at where I was holding Connor.  I should let go... but I just can't...

~~~
Making this 2 parts cos this is only half the lyrics and alternate endings :)
You know what's going down