Dear Universe, ✔

22.

I don't know where she is, I'm assuming home, but who knows. I don't know what's going on in her head, I don't know why she's skipping school, I don't know why her phone is turned off, and I don't know what to do. 

I've called and texted her at least a hundred times and so has Fieldan. Fieldan doesn't seem to think this is serious, apparently Annie has done something like this before - but Fieldan hasn't read Annie's blog. Fieldan doesn't know how deep Annie's issues are or how dark her mind can get. 

I've driven past her house and her car is still in the driveway, but she doesn't come downstairs or even to her window when she hears my bike pull up - if she's even there, that is. I'm worried about her and there's nothing I can do. It's killing me. 

I can't focus on my homework, I can't really focus on anything.  I've been checking her blog every day, multiple times a day, but she hasn't posted anything since last week. Since I can't concentrate on anything else, I decide to check one more time. I click the link I have bookmarked and feel my heart leap when I see that she's made a new post. 

Dear Universe,

Seven months ago I met a boy. I met a boy and he made me feel as if things we're going to be okay. He made me laugh, he made me smile, he made me feel important and valued. This boy is incredible. This boy is rare. This boy makes my heart explode with happiness and love.

He made me open up - partially - about things I never thought I would tell another person. He made me feel alive, he reminded me what it felt like to have fun, and he showed me what life is supposed to be like - happy, carefree, and unburdened.

I fell in love with him, Universe. I fell in love with Moon.

And that's why I have to say goodbye to him.

Who am I to deserve that kind of love? I don't deserve it or him or anything that makes me feel as happy and whole as he does.

-Star.

What the hell does that mean? She has to say goodbye to me? 

I read the post again, and my eyes stay on that one line - I fell in love with him, Universe. I fell in love with Moon.

She loves me. 

I feel should happy, excited, overjoyed - and I do. But something else is racing through my mind right now. 

I understand. I understand why she's ignoring me. Annie is punishing herself by taking me away.

I need some air, I need to think this through - I need to think of a way to convince her that this is a mistake. There's only one place to go that will help me clear my mind. I grab my bat bag from my closet and borrow my dad's car, heading towards the batting cages. 

There's one other car in the parking lot when I arrive at the park, and I have to blink a few times to make sure I'm not imagining it. I get my bag out of the trunk and walk toward the cages. 

I can see the light blue helmet I bought her for Christmas from across the field. I can see her standing the way I taught her as she swings the bat I got her to match her helmet at each ball that comes flying towards her. I can hear the loud, thunderous cracks when the metal hits the baseball, sending it flying back towards the net. When I get closer I can see the anger and focus on her face as she swings the bat aggressively, cursing when she misses the ball.

She looks wild, unhinged, lost. 

She looks like she's broken and I just want to help her put herself back together - only, I know she won't let me. She has it in her mind that I'm the one thing she can never allow herself to have.